Allegiance
by hifield
Summary: What does family mean to you? Which is the stronger tie... those that share your blood or those that love you unconditionally? Ronon/Keller established relationship
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 1

Jennifer had the room all to herself this morning; enjoying the solitude, she rolled over snuggling deeper into Ronon's pillow inhaling the remnants of his familiar scent. How'd she get so lucky? She loved living in Atlantis, even considered it home. Here she was 27 years old and the CMO of an elite expedition in another galaxy, but the best part of her life was the amazing man who loved her unconditionally.

Jennifer lingered just a while longer in bed thinking about Ronon and the wonderful life they were building together. This man could make her blush at just the thought of his touch … time to get out of bed and start the day, she thought shaking her head.

Ronon left early this morning with Teyla to follow up on a lead he'd received about some fellow Satedans on M3R-427. He wasn't expected back until late in the evening. Jennifer always felt a slight emptiness when Ronon was off world, like part of her was missing.

Jen knew Ronon still wrestled with guilt over the events leading up to the destruction of Sateda. He was a Specialist in the military and responsible for the safety and well being of all the men under his command yet was unable to save them. The only reason he survived was the Wraith made him a runner.

Specialist Ronon Dex spent seven years running for his life from the brutal chase of the Wraith warriors. Had Sheppard and Teyla not found him while looking for Lt. Ford, he'd probably already be dead. Dr. Beckett removed the tracking device from his back, giving him back his freedom. With no home to return to, Ronon accepted the invitation to live in Atlantis and help the expedition continue to fight the Wraith with Colonel Sheppard's team. But late at night when the city slept, Ronon continued the fight alone in his dreams waking up to the familiar guilt and shame of comrades lost.

Jennifer pulled herself out of bed heading toward the shower. This was her day off but with nothing special planned she knew she'd be in and out of the infirmary until Ronon got home. Looking around she realized it wouldn't hurt to spend a few minutes cleaning her room sometime during the day. Their schedules had been pretty crazy lately with the condition of their living quarters suffering the most.

It took a while to find a dry towel emphasizing the need to do laundry. Jennifer put on a clean uniform settling at the dressing table to fix her hair. Looking in the mirror she caught sight of Ronon's ring hanging around her neck. She reached up and held the ring as she remembered the day he gave it to her. Ronon had fashioned the necklace from a thinly braided leather cord holding the promise ring. He'd given her the ring just a few months ago symbolizing his promise to always love her. By wearing the necklace it signified her acceptance of his offer and the bonding process began.

This was the Satedan custom. Jennifer wore the necklace knowing she'd always belong to this man who stole her heart at first sight. The bonding would end with Ronon placing the ring on her finger. Jennifer closed her eyes thinking about how wonderful it'll be when she wears the ring on her finger. Regardless of the customs, she'd already given Ronon her heart knowing it was for life. In Jennifer's mind they were already bonded.

Time to stop daydreaming and get some breakfast, she told herself. Jennifer put on her shoes heading toward the mess hall. Filling her tray she wandered over to sit with Major Lorne.

"Good morning, Evan," Jennifer greeted as she set her tray down.

"Good morning to you, sweetheart," Evan smiled, reaching over and pulling a chair out for her.

There were few people who could get away with calling Jennifer sweetheart and Evan was one of them. Come to think of it, it was a term of endearment only Evan and her dad used, much to Ronon's chagrin.

It took a while for Ronon to accept the close relationship Jennifer shared with the Major. He had mixed feelings on the subject. The familiarity between the two was a bit unsettling but at the same time he knew Lorne would do anything to keep Jennifer safe. Ronon trusted him.

"You all alone this morning?" Evan asked as she seated herself.

"Ronon is off world with Teyla today," Jen explained.

"Checking on the Satedan lead?" Evan knew there was a chance some fellow Satedans were spotted on a neighboring planet. Ronon always had an ear to the ground hoping to find some of his people. Sateda had been ravished by the Wraith who left nothing but death and destruction some 10 years ago, but he never gave up searching.

"I hope this rumor pans out. My heart breaks every time he comes back from one of these hunts. Just once I'd like to see him find someone he knows. I'm tired of always feeling so guilty," Jennifer said frowning.

"Why the guilt?" Evan asked wondering what would cause her heartache.

"I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life because of this man yet it all came about because he lost everything. Sometimes it's hard to reconcile," Jen explained sadly.

"Don't go there sweetheart," Evan admonished her. " It came about because Sheppard and Teyla rescued him. You had nothing to do with the Wraith attack or all the tragedies Ronon brought with him. If anything, you gave him back a reason to live."

Jennifer just smiled and nodded trying not to shed the tears threatening to fall. Evan changed the subject and they finished their lunch talking about lighter matters. They planned a movie night for the end of the week when the Daedalus was due to arrive bringing Lt. Cadman to town. They both loved it when Laura was on base … for completely different reasons.

* * *

Ronon and Teyla were successful in finding three of Ronon's friends, spending the afternoon talking about old times. Ronon was beside himself with pleasure as he visited with Tyre, Ara and Rakai, three friends who were under his command at the time of the Wraith attack on Sateda. Tyre explained how they'd escaped the Wraith attack and had been fighting the enemy ever since. They all exchanged stories of downed darts and Wraith body counts enjoying each other's company while making plans for future skirmishes together.

Ronon returned to Atlantis hoping to obtain permission to bring his friends to the city. Colonel Carter presented the new IOA regulations explaining she wasn't able to grant his request at the present time. Even though she said the new regulations applied to everyone on the base, Ronon was upset and felt Colonel Carter didn't trust him. He returned to his friends angry his new home hadn't been more supportive.

Ronon apologized to Tyre for not being able to take his fellow Satedans to Atlantis. He was frustrated and angry they wouldn't allow his friends to sit and discuss tactics in Atlantis instead of some other world.

"I'm sorry it didn't work out," Ronon said as he explained the situation to Tyre.

"What? You thought they'd make an exception because it was you asking?" Tyre answered with a small smile.

"I'm suppose to be their friend," Ronon said frustrated.

"No. You're their ally, their guest. Me, Rakai, Ara -- we're your friends. I won't doubt they're good people; they helped you out when you needed it, and from what I hear, they've done more to hurt the Wraith than anyone. You've gotta respect that. But it doesn't mean you've got to commit to them. The way I see it, now that we're back together, you belong with us." Tyre said passionately hoping his speech would stir something in Ronon and win his allegiance.

"Give it some thought, Ronon. We need you beside us fighting the Wraith. No one else will remember Sateda but we can do this for all the ones we lost, for Melena." Tyre pleaded. Playing on his emotions, he hoped to sway Ronon to leave Atlantis and join them.

"I'll think about it." Ronon felt his loyalties being torn in several directions. This was his Satedan family that needed him, wanted him as their leader again. He knew he could keep them safe as they fought the Wraith and avenged their home world. Ronon had spent years looking for his people with little luck so finding his friends was an unexpected miracle, which he couldn't let go of.

Ronon also felt a duty to Atlantis and Sheppard. John and Teyla had saved him from certain death while Carson gave him back his life. How could he just walk away from this new world he was building? Truth be told, they had the ability to do far more damage to the Wraith than this little band of Satedan warriors.

Ronon's thoughts turned to Jennifer. He had started the bonding ceremony with her just a few months ago. She was the center of his world. How could he just walk away from her? He'd have to break his vows but he'd never be able to do that. His love for this young healer was stronger than anything he'd ever felt … he needed her. But asking her to be a part of this new life with Tyre was out of the question.

* * *

Jennifer couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Ronon. She moved to her office, closing the door she sat thinking all her happiness was about to come to an abrupt end.

Ronon caught her in the infirmary just an hour ago with the good news that he'd found some of his old friends from Sateda. This should've been a joyous celebration but Ronon was so upset. He'd asked Colonel Carter if he could bring them to Atlantis but due to new policy changes it wasn't allowed. Ronon just couldn't accept Carter's decision leaving him hurt and angry.

Jennifer tried to talk, even reason with Ronon but he was in warrior mode, she wasn't able to penetrate the hard shell he'd placed around himself. He kept talking about owing his allegiance to his friends. "But aren't we his friends too?" she asked herself. Jennifer hoped to have more time to figure this all out after work. Ronon should be home by then and they wouldn't have any interruptions.

* * *

Ronon spent some time in the gym sparring with Teyla waiting for Jennifer to get off work. Teyla had been one of his best friends since he came to live in Atlantis and he had a hard time keeping things from her.

"You seem distracted today, what is wrong?" Teyla asked Ronon after getting in several good hits with her bantos rods.

"I'm thinking of leaving Atlantis," Ronon answered ready to defend his decision.

"Must it come down to a choice between Atlantis and your Satedan friends?" Teyla asked.

"They're more than my friends, Teyla. They're my family. We've always been there for each other."

"I understand, Ronon. I too felt like I betrayed my people when I chose to live here in Atlantis. But then I remember I can do more here to help my people and the rest of the humans in this galaxy than I ever could on my homeworld." Teyla hoped her words would somehow get through to him and he'd reconsider what she already knew he was going to do.

Ronon had a lot to think about but continued to feel determined to leave Atlantis after their mission with Tyre. Everyone kept trying to talk him out of his decision. Sheppard, Teyla and Carter each had good arguments but it all came back to guilt and loyalty. He was given another chance to make things right with his Satedan family and he didn't want to lose this opportunity.

* * *

Jennifer couldn't believe what was happening. "Ronon, what about us? How can you just walk away?" Jennifer asked shocked at his decision to leave.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer. You know I love you but this is something I have to do," Ronon answered desperate for her to understand.

"How long will you be gone? Do you even plan on coming home?" Jennifer hoped this was just a temporary situation.

"I don't know, I may never come back," Ronon explained trying not to show his frustration at the decisions he was making. Without Atlantis guarding his six his odds of returning decreased dramatically. Ronon wouldn't put Jen through the turmoil of waiting.

"No! You can't go. You can't just throw me away. We're bonded!" Jennifer was beginning to panic and couldn't control her emotions. "Please, Ronon, don't do this." Jennifer couldn't hold back the tears as she realized her whole world was falling apart.

Ronon grabbed Jennifer and pulled her into his arms. He held on as she sobbed into his chest. All of this was tearing him apart and he couldn't stand to see her so hurt. "I'm so sorry. I don't expect you to wait for something that might not ever happen. I'm breaking our bonding and setting you free." Ronon wasn't prepared for Jennifer's violent response.

Jennifer lifted her head and shoved Ronon hard causing him to stumble backwards.

"I don't care what your traditions say, you gave me this ring as a pledge you'd always love me!" Jennifer raised her voice as she raised her necklace so Ronon could get a better view of the ring he'd given her. "You can't just take it back and say we never existed!" Jennifer shouted knowing she was losing control. "I don't want to be set free. I want you to take this ring and put it on my finger and tell me you'll never leave me!" Jennifer was overwhelmed as she continued to cry and plead with Ronon. She could feel herself losing this battle and didn't know how to fight back. "I just want you to love me, I want you to keep your promise," Jennifer whispered wrapping her arms around herself as protection from the sorrow that was threatening to engulf her.

She could feel her legs weaken as she slowly lowered herself to the floor. Ronon crossed the space between them before she hit the tile wrapping his arms around her. He pulled her up holding her while she quietly cried the few remaining tears she had left.

Picking her up, Ronon carried her further into the room. He placed her on the bed, lying down beside her Ronon pulled her in close holding her tightly as the grief over his decision consumed them completely. He didn't know if he could live without her.

Ronon held her through the night but when morning came he slipped out of bed and went to find Sheppard. Today they were meeting with Trye and the others to plan out their mission. He was hoping this would be the first of many missions together, he and Sheppard, leaders fighting together side by side.

The plan was to meet back on M3R-427 and discuss taking out a Wraith lab that was working on reversing the Replicator attack code. This would be disastrous for the Pegasus galaxy. The Replicators were hunting the Wraith but if the code were reversed they'd be back to hunting human populations and they needed to stop this at all costs.

Sheppard's team left early, meeting up with the Satedans they planned out their mission. It was decided that Ronon would lead the Satedans and both teams would spread out once they got on board. Ronon had made the decision to leave Atlantis as soon as the mission was over. Tomorrow he'd begin a new life but he wasn't sure if he could actually live with his decision.

Jennifer called Marie telling her she'd be in late. She looked horrible, deciding to work in her office all day. Jen couldn't believe Ronon was leaving. She still had a few precious hours to try and convince him to stay. She planned to find Ronon as soon as her shift was over and beg if she had to.

Once they had a working plan mapped out, Sheppard's team returned to Atlantis and Ronon immediately started to pack his things. While Jennifer was working he started in her quarters gathering all his belongings. The couple had pretty much moved into Jennifer's room over the past few months once the bonding began and used Ronon's quarters for storage. Ronon knew removing all his belongings would break Jennifer's heart but felt it'd be easier if he did it while she was working. He was having a difficult time of it as it was. He knew his allegiance was to his own people but hearing Jennifer plead with him again might cause him to stumble, maybe even change his mind. He couldn't afford that right now.

Jennifer walked into her room knowing immediately something was wrong. As she looked around she realized all of Ronon's things were missing. Turning around, she ran out the door to Ronon's room as the tears were streaming down her cheeks. Opening his door she burst in to find him sorting and packing his belongings into boxes. She just stood in his room not knowing what to say. This was a nightmare and she needed to wake up.

"When are you leaving?" Jennifer asked barely above a whisper.

"Tomorrow after our mission." Ronon was having a hard time talking. It was his decision but he didn't know how he'd live without holding her in his arms everyday. "Will you be okay?"

"No, Ronon, I won't be okay! I still don't understand why you have to leave or how you can just stop loving me." Jennifer needed a better explanation from him. She wanted to understand.

"Jennifer, I will always love you. This has nothing to do with how I feel about you." Ronon was awful with words but he needed her to know his feelings for her hadn't changed. "They need me. I let them down before and so many died. They're still my responsibility, my family."

"_I need you_," Jennifer cried. "Let's go talk to Colonel Carter again and see if they can't come here."

"No, I need to do this. I'll be leaving tomorrow," Ronon answered firmly hoping to put the conversation to rest.

Jennifer turned and walked out of his quarters, out of his life. She took a long walk out to the end of the east pier as she tried to pull herself together. She knew Ronon well enough to know he wasn't going to change his mind. Jen felt totally lost and completely confused. "What am I going to do?" she kept asking herself. At the end of the pier she sat down and waited for the darkness of night to engulf her.

By the time Ronon finished packing it was late. He decided to find Jennifer and say goodbye. He knew it was a bad idea but couldn't stop the need to see her one last time. After checking all the normal places she could be -- infirmary, mess hall and her quarters, Ronon realized she probably wanted to be alone so he returned to his room. Taking the boxes off his bed and stacking them in the corner, he laid down trying to get a few hours sleep.

Jennifer sat in the quiet of the night on the east pier hoping the darkness would swallow her up so she wouldn't have to face this awful loneliness. She spent hours thinking of the man she loved and grieved for the loss. The chill of the night finally forced her to walk back to the warmth of her room and she prayed sleep would give her some kind of relief.

Ronon tossed and turned trying to fall asleep but nothing was working. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning he went to Jennifer, crawling into bed beside her. He put his arm around her pulling her close, wishing this moment could last forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N_**_: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 2

Jennifer felt like she'd been swallowed up by her worse nightmare. The joint mission to take out a Wraith lab had turned into an ambush with Sheppard and his team being the target. Ronon thought he was leading his fellow Satedans, Tyre, Ara and Rakai with SGA-1 but it turned out his friends were Wraith worshipers. Tyre had lured Sheppard's team to the lab in hopes of turning Ronon. The Wraith were forcing Rodney to turn off the Replicator attack code by holding Sheppard and Teyla as hostages. By the time it was all over, two of Ronon's friends were dead, the Replicator was set free in the lab and Ronon had been injured.

She slipped into doctor mode as SGA-1 entered the infirmary without assistance. Jennifer moved over to Ronon immediately looking at his injuries. She could see a lot of blood but he was conscious and alert which was always a good sign.

"Doc, we're all doing okay except Ronon who probably could use some patching up," Sheppard said, as Jen looked everyone over.

"Colonel, why don't you and your team situate yourselves on that side of the room and I'll have Dr. Cole start on your post mission physicals. Colonel Carter, I'll have Dr. Barns take care of you immediately," Jennifer instructed.

Turning back to Ronon she began to look at his injuries.

"Jennifer, don't," Ronon growled as he grabbed Jennifer's wrist keeping her from touching him. "I can't have you around me right now."

Jennifer just stared at him for a long moment before she slowly pulled her wrist out of Ronon's grasp. She looked deep into his eyes as she pulled her gloves off, one at a time. Jen gently reached down and laid her hand on Ronon's cheek for a moment before turning and walking out of the infirmary.

Sometime later Teyla found Jennifer out on the balcony off the east pier, her private hiding place. Jennifer was sitting on the far side curled into herself as she quietly grieved for the man she loved.

"Jennifer?" Teyla whispered as she sat down next to her. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm not," Jennifer replied deciding to be honest. "What happened out there?"

"I am afraid Ronon's friends were not what they appeared to be," Teyla tried to explain.

"I heard they were Wraith worshipers." Jennifer was frustrated she couldn't help Ronon through this.

"I am sure Ronon did not mean to hurt you." Teyla tried to reassure her friend.

"What happens to us now?" Jennifer asked. "I don't know what's going on in his head but I don't think he'll take me back," She said trying to stop the sobs she knew were coming. "I don't know if I can live without him," the young doctor confessed.

"Ronon is very angry and hurt right now. He does not want this dark part of him to touch you. Give him some time," Teyla consoled trying to be encouraging.

Teyla reach over and held Jennifer as the tears fell. "Do not give up on him," she admonished.

* * *

The next few days were a strain for both Ronon and Jennifer. Ronon withdrew into himself, not wanting to be consoled or even reasoned with. He was consumed with anger and guilt over the way things had turned out. He didn't believe he was being unreasonable with his decisions even when Sheppard and Teyla insisted he was. He didn't want to expose this dark, threatening side of himself to Jennifer. He couldn't handle the thought of her touching him when he was so full of hatred for the Wraith, for Tyre, and for the way things had happened in his life.

Ronon felt like a failure. He couldn't save Sateda or Melena or even the three he'd just found. "What if I fail Jennifer or somehow cause her death?" he kept asking himself. He just didn't want to take the chance so he forced himself to stay away.

Jennifer didn't want to make things harder on Ronon so she pulled back from everyone. Ronon's friends were her friends so she walked away hoping to leave him the support system he needed. All that left for her was work and the loneliness that closed in on her from all sides. She threw herself into her research and filled her down time with more work. But mostly she waited hoping Ronon would take her back … claim her as his own as he'd promised.

Major Lorne had taken to checking up on Jen when he was on base. He'd drop by her office at meal times with an extra tray, insisting she sit and eat with him. Occasionally, he could talk her into joining him in the mess hall when SGA-1 was off world. He noticed Jennifer had slipped into a very sad existence but couldn't figure out how to help her.

* * *

It had been several weeks since Ronon had even caught a glimpse of Jennifer and he was starting to worry about her. Seeing Major Lorne heading to the mess hall one day he decided to stop the Major before he got inside. If anyone knew how Jennifer was doing it would be Lorne.

"Hey, Lorne," Ronon growled as the Major drew near.

"Hey," Lorne answered already guessing what the big man wanted.

"How's Jennifer?" Ronon asked.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Lorne inquired, irritated Ronon had hurt her so deeply.

"I just want to know if she's okay," Ronon scowled at the Major waiting for an answer.

"She's been better. She's worried about you … not eating like she should … working too hard … not taking time for herself. I've seen her look better." Evan didn't feel like sugarcoating it for him.

"Thanks." Ronon left heading toward the gym hoping to find someone stupid enough to spar with him. He knew this was all his doing but he didn't know how to change it.

As Major Lorne turned to enter the mess hall he hesitated, heading off toward the infirmary instead hoping to convince Jennifer to have dinner with him. Since Ronon was off somewhere else he thought he might have a good shot at getting her to agree.

"Hey Jen, do you have a few minutes to spare a hungry man?" Evan asked grinning as he poked his head in her office.

"Hey stranger," Jennifer greeted smiling. "I really don't think I have time tonight," Jennifer said looking around at all the files she was working on. "I'd love to have a rain check thought, I miss you."

"Come on, please." Evan used his pouty look to soften her heart. "We'll leave as soon as you're through eating … promise." Evan was not too proud to beg a little if it'd get her to eat something.

"Oh stop!" Jennifer said laughing. "Let me shut everything off and lock up then you can walk me home after. It's been a long day."

Evan wandered around in the corridor waiting for her to finish up. He couldn't help but wish Laura were here to help Jen – she'd know what to say to get her through this difficult time. Unfortunately, Lt. Cadman was on loan to the SGC for a few months so she wouldn't be back on the Daedalus for a while. Evan really missed having her around.

Most of the dinner crowd was finished and gone by the time Jennifer and Evan filled their trays. They took a table off in a corner for some privacy.

"How've you been?" Jennifer asked knowing SGA-2 had been off world most of the week.

"Busy with off world missions. In fact, we have another one tomorrow if you'd be interested. It'd give you a change of scenery and my team always enjoys the company of their favorite doctor," Evan asked with a smile.

"Let me think about it," Jennifer answered thinking it would be nice to get off the base for the day.

"How are things with you and Ronon?" Evan decided the direct approach was better with Jennifer. She didn't like beating around the bush with anything.

"Awful. He doesn't want me or any contact from me … that pretty much sums it up," Jennifer replied sarcastically.

"Have you heard from Laura lately?" Jennifer asked changing the subject.

"Got an email just the other day and she's on loan to the SGC so we won't see her for a while … and you're changing the subject," Evan scolded.

"There's really nothing else to say about Ronon. Everyone keeps telling me to give him time but I don't think time will change his stubborn mind." Jennifer smirked rolling her eyes, but Evan could see the hurt behind the mask she was wearing.

"Have you had a chance to talk at all now that he's decided to stay on Atlantis?" Evan asked.

"He won't talk to me. He won't even make eye contact when he comes into the infirmary. He seems so agitated around me I usually disappear into my office when he comes in for post mission checkups. I miss him," Jennifer explained as tears began to form.

"Well, I don't like you hiding out in your office and quarters. I never see you anymore," Evan complained.

"I know. It's just hard right now," Jennifer softly explained. "How about I join you tomorrow and we can spend the day together?"

"Sounds great. We leave at 0800 hours so meet us in the gate room and we should be home for dinner." Evan smiled pleased at her decision.

The two spent another hour together talking about things they missed from Earth and their favorite fast food restaurants. It was so enjoyable for Jennifer and a huge relief to be out of her office. Being on base with Ronon was becoming more and more difficult for her.

* * *

Major Lorne sent Lt. Booker to help Jennifer carry her supplies. It didn't matter how light or easy the mission was, she always seemed to pack most of the infirmary. They met up with Lorne and the other men in the gate room.

Major Lorne was just greeting Jennifer when Colonel Sheppard walked into the gate room.

"Good Morning boys and girls. All ready for a quiet day off world?" Sheppard asked smiling at Jennifer. "Have a good trip and be home before dark. Chuck dial up the gate," Sheppard ordered.

SGA-2 along with Dr. Keller said goodbye to Colonel Sheppard and walked through the event horizon. The team was scheduled to check up on one of their trading partners who they hadn't heard from in a while. Even though it was harvest time on M3R- 455 Atlantis still expected some kind of contact in the past 3 months.

The group slowly made their way to the village along the well-worn path. Major Lorne wasn't happy to see the crops rotting in the field.

"Heads up, it's too quiet," Lorne instructed, a feel of discomfort overcoming him.

"Sir, did you notice the fields haven't been harvested?" Sergeant Rains added.

"Rains, you and Booker take point. Meyers you cover our six – Doc I want you to stay between me and Booker." Lorne barked out orders as they picked up their speed.

The village was situated just a quarter mile from the gate so it didn't take long to arrive at the outskirts. Lorne gave silent instructions to his men and they quietly moved through the village looking for any signs of life.

There was nothing going on. No people, no animals, no one doing daily chores. It looked as if everyone just walked away in the middle of the day. It was all very eerie and Jennifer could feel the hair on the back of her neck standing.

Major Lorne motioned for Rains, Booker and Meyers to investigate further out past the village for anything suspicious while he and Jennifer took a closer look inside some of the buildings. Jennifer headed immediately to the small clinic she'd help set up at the far end of the street. Upon entering she noted that nothing looked out of place … just no patients.

"Major Lorne," Raines radioed a short time later.

"Go ahead Raines," Lorne answered.

"Sir, we're about half a mile past the outskirts of the main village and there's a Wraith facility set up here with a few Wraith soldiers on sentry duty," Raines reported keeping his voice low.

"How big a facility are you talking about Sergeant?"

"Looks about the size of a small Wraith ship," Raines said sounding a bit worried.

"Okay, Sergeant, get the men and head back to the village. We'll return to Atlantis and plan out our strategy with Colonel Sheppard before we take it out. Any sign of the missing people?" Lorne hated leaving anyone behind if they were being held as prisoners.

"No sir, we see very little activity. We'll head back now."

Major Lorne and Jennifer lay hidden in the brush waiting for the rest of the team to return before they all started back toward the gate. Things were pretty quiet as they walked along the return path, everyone on alert. As they neared the clearing in front of the gate Lorne saw movement off to the right side of the path. He reached up and clicked his radio once gaining everyone's attention. Nodding off to the side, the men spread out looking for anything unfriendly.

Suddenly, gunfire erupted from both sides of the path causing everyone to dive for cover. Major Lorne grabbed Jennifer sending her stumbling toward the heavy brush as he threw himself over her.

"Keep your head down and do exactly what I say," Lorne urgently instructed Jennifer.

"Does anyone have a visual?" Lorne asked as he continued to cover most of Jennifer's body.

"I see a lot of activity closer to the gate," Sergeant Rains whispered.

"Everyone fall back to the village, we'll find cover in one of the buildings," Lorne ordered.

The team began to work their way back the way they'd come watching for any sign of movement ahead of them. Major Lorne was helping Jennifer pick her way through the thick brush when they encountered gunfire again. Ducking low, Lorne had no choice but to half push, half pull Jennifer along as he quickened his step.

"Rains, we're just about to the edge of the village. I want you and Booker to lay down cover fire once you've made it to the buildings. Meyers, secure a suitable structure. We need something we can defend until SGA-1 arrives," Lorne ordered.

Jennifer stumbled along keeping up as much as possible while the adrenaline coursed through her body. Night was falling and it was becoming more and more difficult to see where she was going. This was not the relaxing day off world she'd envisioned.

"Major, this is Meyers."

"Go ahead Sergeant," Lorne answered hoping the man had found some sort of refuge for them.

"Sir, I'm in the end house at the south side of the village, low building with a wide porch. House is secure." Meyers guarded the house waiting for the others to join him.

"Major, we're in place," Booker and Rains announced as they waited for Lorne and Jennifer to cross the empty space between the village and the woods.

Major Lorne and Jennifer took a deep breath and made a run toward Meyer's position. Jennifer did her best to keep up and keep her head down. As soon as they stepped out of the woods, Booker and Rains laid down cover fire and then all Hell broke loose. Shots rang out from all directions. Lorne was shooting randomly with his P-90 in one hand while firmly pulling Jennifer along with the other hand. Fear and adrenaline pushed Jennifer along faster than she'd ever thought she could move. At one point Lorne felt her stumble but she kept on going once she regained her footing.

When Jennifer and Lorne got close to Booker and Rains, the men joined them covering their six. From here it only took moments before they were all scrambling into the house. Lorne walked Jennifer in and had her sit against the far wall, the most secured, while the men barricaded the doors and windows. Jennifer was breathing heavily and felt a peculiar numbness begin to settle over her body. She sat wondering how long it would take for Ronon to get to them.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 3

The men were busy barricading the doors and windows in the house fortifying their position. They continued to draw fire as the enemy soldiers maintained their sporadic shooting. Jennifer sat against the back wall in a fog. She couldn't hold a thought as she drifted along on a sea of confusion. All the while she kept wondering why she felt so numb. Maybe it was just the let down from the adrenaline coursing through her body.

"Is everyone okay?" Lorne asked his men as they each positioned themselves in front of the various windows in the room. At lease this should be a fairly easy building to defend, Lorne thought.

"Fine, Sir," they each replied.

"Let me know if you see any movement," Lorne ordered as he moved over toward Jennifer.

Lorne squatted down in front of Jen to see how she was doing. The room was almost pitch black by now but he could still see her eyes enough to gauge her answers.

"How are you doing?" Evan asked as he put his hand on her knee.

Evan waited but didn't get an answer. He noted that Jennifer looked okay but her eyes weren't focused and kept drifting around the room.

"Jennifer, look at me. Are you okay?" Lorne asked again. The Major began to worry a bit when she didn't answer a second time. The team kept glancing back at Lorne wondering what was happening with the Doc.

Lorne knew Jennifer wasn't used to this kind of situation. She'd been in a few skirmishes but not many where you had to run for your life. She almost displayed signs of shock. Hopefully, she just needed to catch her breath.

Lorne placed his hand on her shoulder and reassured her that everything was fine and help would be here soon. As he brought his hand away he realized it felt wet and sticky.

"Booker, throw me your flashlight." Lorne instructed.

Lorne grabbed the light and shined it on his hand.

"Crap!" Lorne swore as he looked at the blood covering his hand.

"Rains, throw me Doc's medical kit." Lorne ordered as he continued to swear under his breath at the worsening situation.

"Jennifer, can you hear me?" Evan asked softly as he moved in closer. Jennifer showed no recognition and remained frozen. "I'm going to lay you down and look at your shoulder." Evan explained as he watched her eyes slowly close. "No, no, no, no you need to stay awake for me," he urged.

Evan lowered her head to the floor and began peeling off her jacket. He started unbuttoning her shirt but it was taking too long so Evan grabbed either side and ripped it open exposing two bullet holes in her shoulder.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Evan growled as he shone the flashlight on her injury. One wound was a through and through while the other bullet was lodged in her shoulder. Evan opened the field kit, finding something to clean the wound with; he began scrubbing the area gently.

About half way through the cleaning, Jennifer loudly gasped as her eyes flew open looking directly into Evan's eyes. She began to thrash and moan loudly as Evan worked.

"Jennifer, lay still, you've been shot." Evan held her in place trying not to touch her shoulder.

Jennifer's moans turned into screams as the pain became excruciating. "I'm on fire! Evan do something," Jennifer was sobbing, unable to lay still.

"Rains, get over here," Lorne yelled. "Hold her still while I put some gauze on the wounds to stop the bleeding."

Lorne worked quickly all the while, Jennifer thrashed and moaned as Rains held her down. When he was finished, Lorne gently closed her shirt back over her body and looked in the field kit for painkillers.

"Jennifer, listen to me. I need to give you some painkillers," Evan told her as she wildly looked around.

She finally registered what he was saying but kept shaking her head. "No, something isn't right - don't give me anything yet," she said as she continued to moan.

Lorne sent Rains back to his post. He then sat down against the wall and pulled Jennifer into his lap. Evan tried to comfort her as he kept her from thrashing. She'd started shaking violently, not convulsions but just shaking. Lorne wasn't sure what was going on.

"Jennifer you need to hold still. Help will be here soon." Lorne hoped he was right.

Slowly the shaking quieted down and Jennifer went limp as Lorne's radio came to life.

"Major Lorne, this is Atlantis calling," Sheppard said as soon as the wormhole stabilized.

"Colonel Sheppard, good to hear your voice," Lorne answered clearly relieved.

"Major what's your status?"

"Colonel, we were ambushed on our way to the gate. We are presently pinned down just inside the village waiting for additional help," Lorne explained.

"We'll assemble teams and render assistance," came the clipped reply of the military commander.

"Colonel, we have wounded and suggest evac with the jumper," Lorne added.

"Lorne, what kind of injuries?" Sheppard asked knowing he'd need to notify the medical staff.

"Sir, Dr. Keller has been shot and needs immediate medical attention."

"Major, please give us your exact location," Sheppard instructed.

"Sir, we're in a building located on the south side of the clearing between the woods and the village proper. It's a house with a wide porch. There's plenty of room to land in the clearing. Also, be advised there's a Wraith facility a half mile past the village, although we've only seen a couple hostiles standing guard near the facility."

"We're on the way, Lorne. Sheppard out." The Colonel radioed SGA-3 and SGA-1 to gear up and meet in the jumper bay.

By the time Sheppard ran to the jumper, Ronon already had the rest of the team assembled and waiting. Sheppard gave instructions to SGA-3 to cloak immediately after clearing the wormhole. He briefed them on the situation and gave instructions to take out any resistance they encountered.

* * *

Sergeant Meyers spotted movement on the other side of the road two doors down. The men had been taking turns sneaking out and taking out the enemy. He motioned to Booker who was at the next window and then slipped out the door. Shortly afterwards, P-90 fire could be heard. After waiting for a count of 10, Booker was just preparing to join his team mate when Meyers appeared motioning a thumbs up as he slipped back in the house.

Major Lorne instructed his team to sit tight; rescue teams would be here shortly. Knowing it wouldn't be long before they would be running for the jumper, Lorne decided to check Jennifer's wound before it got too crazy.

Evan gently laid Jenn down next to him and scooted around laying her head on the ground. He grabbed the flashlight; pulling her shirt away he quickly checked the gauze. The blood had completely saturated the padding. Lorne pulled the gauze loose preparing to change it out for a clean bandage. Somehow he needed to apply more pressure to completely stop the blood flow.

Jennifer began to stir as Evan worked on her shoulder. She quietly called out for Ronon as she began to wake.

"It's only me, sweetheart. I'm changing your dressing before Sheppard gets here," Evan explained as he pulled off the bandage. He grabbed a clean wad of gauze and pressed it into the wound hoping to stop the bleeding completely. As he pressed down Jennifer came up swinging.

"Stop!" she screamed hitting at Evan with her good arm. "It burns," she began thrashing about again and Lorne had a hard time holding Jen down.

"Rains, you need to hold her down again."

"Evan stop, please. Something isn't right." Jennifer had to make him understand but she couldn't stop moaning and jerking her body trying to get free.

"Evan, listen to me … you have to get this bullet out. It's burning me – I feel like my body's on fire." Jennifer couldn't believe the amount of pain she was in. She'd never experienced anything like this before.

"Jennifer, we'll get you back to the infirmary and Dr. Cole will be able to patch you up. Just hang on a few more minutes," Evan said trying to comfort her.

"Look at me… I'm not delusional. You need to get this bullet out now. Every time I move it burns all through my body." Jennifer could see she was getting through to Evan and he was starting to listen to her.

"Look in my bag. There are forceps and a scalpel," Jennifer instructed.

"Jen, I've never done anything like this before. You need to wait until we get back to Atlantis," Evan said firmly.

"No Evan, the longer we wait the more damage it's doing. You need to dig it out now!" Jennifer was becoming desperate.

"Sir, you can do this. I'll help." Sergeant Rains knew the wound shouldn't cause this amount of pain – he agreed, something was wrong.

"Rains, you hold the light and be sure you keep it right on the wound. I can't believe I'm even thinking about doing this," Lorne whispered to himself.

"Jennifer, what do I give you for the pain? Do you have something that will knock you out?" Evan knew he was in over his head.

"Don't give me anything. There're gloves in the outside pocket. Be sure not to touch the bullet. You'll find a small glass bottle in my bag. Put the bullet in the bottle and be sure you give it to Rodney." Jennifer was firing off instructions as if she were in her own operating room.

Lorne took a deep breath and began digging in the wound looking for the bullet. It didn't take but a minute or two before he was able to feel it with the end of the forceps. He squeezed firmly as he pulled it out.

Jennifer could feel the forceps grab hold of the bullet. As Evan applied pressure her whole shoulder felt as if it'd burst into flames. The intense burning traveled through her body and she couldn't stop the screaming.

Lorne jerked with the first of Jennifer's screams dropping the bullet on the floor beside her. Quickly, he grabbed the plastic container and using his gloved hand he picked up the bullet dropping it into the bottle.

"Ouch!" Evan swore as he ripped off the glove. Looking down he could see red welts on the tips of his fingers. "What the hell …?" Just touching the bullet burned like he'd stuck his hand in a fire.

* * *

Both jumpers cloaked the minute they came through the gate as McKay began looking for life signs. He immediately determined Lorne's location. After ruling them out, he radioed the enemy's position to SGA-3.

Sheppard radioed Lorne with the location of the enemy and Evan's team headed out to join with SGA-3. The teams spread out engaging the enemy, immediately taking down most of them in the first few minutes.

Ronon could hear Jennifer's screams the minute the rear door hit the ground and fear fueled his adrenalin. He was off and running with his weapon in hand, crossing the distance to the house before Sheppard was even out of the jumper. Teyla and Rodney were close behind Sheppard as they headed toward the house.

Ronon burst into the room swinging his gun in all directions checking for hostiles. When all seemed clear, he holstered his weapon and swiftly knelt beside Evan.

"Major report," Sheppard ordered as he watched Lorne bandaging Jennifer's shoulder.

"Sir, the village is empty … looks like they just disappeared. We found a Wraith facility just beyond the west side of the village. We were heading back to the gate when we were ambushed so we came back to the village and took cover here. I believe Dr. Keller was shot as we crossed the clearing." Lorne continued to work on Jennifer as he explained the situation to Sheppard.

"What do you mean 'you think' … don't you know when she got shot," Sheppard scowled.

"Sir, she never made it known. After we secured the building I went to check on her and discovered the wounds," Lorne explained frowning.

Jennifer continued to sob as Lorne applied a bandage to her wounds; thankfully she'd stopped screaming so he knew the pain had lessened. Jen continued to writhe with the intensity of the burning she felt throughout her body.

"Ronon, you need to hold her down while I tape this bandage in place," Lorne instructed.

Jennifer finally became aware that Evan was talking to Sheppard. She opened her eyes to see Teyla standing next to Evan and knew help had arrived.

"Jennifer, how're you doing?" Evan asked as she focused on his face.

"I've never been in pain like this. Did you get the bullet?"

"Yes, it's in the bottle," Lorne nodded toward the small glass container. "Hold on, I'm putting the dressing on your shoulder so this is going to hurt."

As Lorne pressed down on the gauze to stop the bleeding, Jennifer cried out and began thrashing. Ronon was on his knees above her head holding her tight so Evan could finish. Jennifer began calling out for Ronon.

"I'm right here," Ronon assured her squeezing her good arm.

"Don't leave me," Jennifer whispered reaching for his hand.

Ronon grabbed her hand relieved that his touch seemed to calm her down. Major Lorne quickly packed up Jen's medical bag and helped bundle her back up. Sheppard checked in with his men in the field finding everyone was heading back toward the jumpers.

"Okay boys and girls, let's go home. Lorne you can brief me on everything once we get back to Atlantis." Sheppard grabbed Jennifer's bags and led the way back.

Ronon carried Jennifer's limp body to the waiting jumper, seating himself in the back with Jennifer in his arms. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Hearing her screams of pain had torn at him and now her stillness made it hard for him to breath.

* * *

The team stood off in a corner of the infirmary waiting for news on Jennifer's condition. Ronon paced back and forth with a permanent scowl on his face. Sheppard and Lorne sat next to each other against the wall.

"What the hell happened to Doc out there, Lorne?" Sheppard growled at his 2IC.

"It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. I've known her to tumble down mountainsides, take a beating from the Bola Kai, even break an arm sparring without shedding a tear. Sir, this was a simple shoulder wound," Lorne said shaking his head back and forth. "I'm not even sure when she got hit. I've gone over it in my mind a dozen times and none of it makes sense."

"Why'd you remove the bullet?" Sheppard asked thinking it wasn't necessary.

"Jen convinced me it needed to come out." Lorne started to explain.

Sheppard and Lorne stood up as they watched Dr. Cole walk across the room.

"Colonel," Dr. Cole greeted Sheppard while nodding to the rest of the team as they gathered around her. "Jennifer's in recovery. We cleaned and stitched her wounds and will be starting her on dialysis shortly. I don't know what went on out there but her blood work is like nothing I've ever seen before. She has several foreign compounds in her blood samples that I can't identify. Quite frankly, this is a bit out of my area of expertise. Dr. Keller has done a lot of work with her research on the Wraith enzyme and it looks familiar to the compounds we see in her blood. I'm sorry I don't have more information for you at this time."

"She's going to be okay though … right Doc?" Lorne asked worriedly.

"Major, at this time I don't know what to tell you. We'll spend the night cleansing her blood as much as possible and decide on a course of action from there," Dr. Cole explained trying to sound positive.

"I almost forgot. McKay, Jennifer told me to give this to you," Lorne said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small bottle containing the bullet he pulled from her shoulder. "She said not to touch it directly," Lorne instructed. "There's definitely something oozing from the casing," Lorne added as he held up his two welted fingers.

"I'll get this to my lab right away." Rodney grabbed his data pad and quickly headed out the door.

"Can I see her?" Ronon asked.

"She's not awake but you're welcome to sit with her. I'll let you know if her condition changes." Dr. Cole turned and left to check on her other patients.

Ronon scooted his chair closer to Jennifer's bed so he could hold her hand, the whirl of the dialysis machine filling the air. He'd spent weeks pushing her away but now he just needed to be close to her … to feel the warmth of her skin assuring him she was still alive.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 4

Dr. McKay began working on the bullet the minute he returned to his lab while Jennifer lay in the infirmary hooked up to a dialysis machine trying to clear the foreign substances out of her body. The team was counting on him to once again save the day and this was one time he didn't want to disappoint them. Rodney remembered what the Wraith enzyme did to Lt. Ford. He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind and concentrated on the problem at hand hoping for a quick solution.

Ronon sat at Jennifer's bedside looking very calm. Actually, he was anything but calm. In fact, he was frantic with worry and frustrated he could do nothing to change the situation. Ronon hated having to sit by and idly wait on others to save her. Everyone, including Dr. Cole, was waiting for McKay to figure out what happened out on M3R- 455. Checking the time once again, Ronon rose to leave for his briefing. He leaned over the bed rail and gently kissed Jennifer on the forehead.

"I have to go to a briefing," he whispered. "I'll be back soon." Ronon squeezed her hand before walking out of the infirmary.

At the briefing it was decided that Sheppard would take SGA-1 and two other teams and return to the planet to investigate the Wraith facility. McKay was still analyzing the bullet and opted to stay and work in his lab.

"Here," Rodney said as he handed Sheppard a data pad. "Download anything you find that looks useful. "Oh, Oh … bring back anything from their lab that looks useful too."

"Okay then, we'll leave in one hour," Sheppard said after receiving a nod from Colonel Carter.

Ronon returned to the infirmary to find Jennifer awake. He waited in the doorway while Dr. Cole finished taking her vitals.

"How are you feeling Dr. Keller?" Dr. Cole asked as she took Jennifer's blood pressure.

"Much better. The burning's stopped but I'm having trouble staying awake." Jennifer felt like she was floating in and out of consciousness. "Is Ronon here?" she asked before drifting off to sleep again.

"I'm right here," Ronon assured her moving to her side.

"Your body's doing a good job of eliminating all the toxins but we're still running a lot of fluids through you and we'll continue with one more session on the dialysis machine," Dr. Cole explained to her. "I'm sorry I can't give you more specific information on your condition but I can tell you Dr. McKay is working on the substances he found on the bullet and we're hoping he'll be able to shed some light on everything later today." Dr. Cole could see Jennifer was fading and left her to the much needed sleep that was capturing her attention. The doctor nodded to Ronon as she left the room.

Ronon sat by her side for as long as he could then he gently tucked her in before heading to the gate room to meet Sheppard and the team. It was time to return to the planet and check out the Wraith facility but for Ronon it was also time to seek the revenge he so desperately wanted right now. He should've been there to protect Jennifer but he wasn't and she was hurt. The guilt was overwhelming.

* * *

Ronon left the briefing feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. They arrived back on M3R- 455 to find nothing but smoke and ashes. The Wraith had destroyed their facility and the village. They never found out what happened to all the people believing none of them would ever be found. Ronon headed toward the mess hall to get something to eat before he settled into the infirmary for the night.

Entering the dining hall, Ronon spotted Teyla sitting at a table by herself drinking tea. It was relatively quiet in the room this time of night after the dinner hour rush. Ronon grabbed a couple sandwiches and sat down across from Teyla.

"How is Jennifer doing?" Teyla asked.

"She's getting better. I think she's going to be okay," he answered frowning.

"You do not seem very pleased. I hoped you and Jennifer would be back together now."

"I can't go there again. I can't take the chance of disappointing her all over again. What happens if I don't walk back through the gate?" Ronon growled. "I won't leave her to a life of mourning over me if something happens"

"Do you not think she is doing that now? Jennifer loves you, Ronon. She is willing to accept the consequences," Teyla said firmly trying to speak for her friend.

"No, I'm not going to put her through that again. What if I find more of my people and face the same decisions again?" Ronon expressed his frustrations angrily knowing Teyla wouldn't take offense. "I let myself get too comfortable here on Atlantis. I'm a soldier first … there's an enemy to fight and I don't have time for a family."

"Do not have time or do not deserve?" Teyla questioned. "Ronon, you deserve to find happiness. Do you not think you can do both? Can you not fight the Wraith and have Jennifer?" Teyla continued to reason with Ronon fearing she was losing this battle.

"No, this is the way it has to be," Ronon answered as he rose to leave. He deposited his trash in the container as he headed back to the infirmary.

Jennifer was sleeping peacefully when Ronon returned. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat waiting for her to wake up. He thought about the conversation he'd just had with Teyla and wondered if there was any way he could keep Jennifer in his life. Maybe Teyla was right and he could have a life with Jen and continue to fight the Wraith.

Leaning back in his chair Ronon continued to ponder his options. He could stay in Atlantis and start a life with Jennifer while helping fight the Wraith with Sheppard but what if something happened to him on a mission and he didn't make it home. Or what if he found more of his fellow Satedans and needed to leave to take care of them. He still felt a heavy burden for Sateda and his allegiance was to his scattered people. This was not an easy decision for the proud soldier and he couldn't see any way that would keep Jennifer from certain heartache. "It's best to cut it off now before I make it worse for Jennifer," Ronon decided.

Jennifer began to stir once again feeling a little more clear headed.

"I'm here," Ronon said knowing she'd be looking for him. Jennifer looked to her right and saw Ronon sitting at her side. After weeks of his absence and indifference she felt relieved knowing when she needed him most he was here for her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better. Did Rodney figure anything out yet?" she asked hoping there'd be no permanent damage.

"Last I heard he's still working on it," Ronon answered.

"I guess my off world record is still intact," Jennifer smirked thinking about what a disaster she was in the field.

* * *

Dr. McKay called Colonel Carter telling her he was ready for a briefing on what he'd found on the bullet. He wanted to include Dr. Cole in the briefing so he didn't have to explain it twice. Carter said she'd arrange it in one hour in the conference room.

At the appointed time, Dr. McKay entered the briefing room to find Colonel Carter, Lorne, Dr. Cole, and the rest of his team. He greeted everyone and proceeded to explain his findings. Rodney had run numerous tests on the bullet fragments finding that indeed, it had been altered. The bullet casing appeared to be made of softer materials than usual allowing it to split open on impact delivering a cocktail of toxins into the body of the recipient. Rodney couldn't identify all the compounds he found but did find traces of the Wraith enzyme and small amounts of some sort of numbing agent, which the bullet was probably coated in. The good news was the substances should break down and clear the system in a matter of a few days.

"What would be the purpose in developing bullets like this?" Carter asked.

"Good question," Rodney answered. "Maybe if you just wounded a person you would still be able to track them just from the amount of pain they were experiencing."

"There're Wraith, they don't need a reason," Ronon growled.

"Sounds like something the Genii could come up with," Sheppard offered.

"The Genii have been known to collaborate with the Wraith in the past," Colonel Carter added.

"Could be used as a good interrogation tool. Jennifer said it felt like her body was on fire; you might be willing to give up information if you were promised an antidote," Lorne offered.

"Keep your ears open on this one. See if any of our allies have heard anything." Colonel Carter instructed. "Dr. Cole, how is Jennifer doing?"

"She's doing very well. Her blood work is looking really good and I'm hoping to discharge her tomorrow. What she needs now is lots of rest," Dr. Cole reported.

The group discussed the matter for a few more minutes then adjourned. Rodney finally headed for the mess hall to get some late dinner and then some much needed rest. The rest of the team joined him for coffee.

* * *

Jennifer spent a week in bed once she was released from the hospital with orders not to move until Dr. Cole gave the okay. Unfortunately, it gave her way to much time to think. As soon as she was on the mend Ronon stopped keeping vigil and slipped out of her life once again. There were times when she knew he checked in on her, she could feel his presence in the wee hours of the morning.

It'd been two weeks since the shooting and Jennifer was finally released to return to work on a part time basis. It was good to get back into a familiar routine. Unfortunately, Ronon also returned to his former routine, which no longer included her. Jen continued to slip into her office when SGA-1 came through the infirmary after missions or she'd work on one of the other team members across the room. No matter where she worked, she could feel his eyes on her … sizing her up, checking to see if she was eating and taking care of herself.

Jennifer couldn't continue like this. She decided to try one more time to reason with Ronon. She waited till she knew he'd be in his room and stopped by after work.

"Ronon, can I come in?" Jennifer asked as he opened his door.

"What for? I don't want to talk," Ronon frowned as he blocked the entrance to his room.

"Please, Ronon, do we have to do this out in the hall?" Jennifer didn't want the whole base in on their conversation. The rumor mill had been bad enough lately without adding fuel to the fire. Ronon stepped aside allowing her into his quarters.

"I miss you," Jennifer whispered.

"Don't do this. We've gone over all of this already, nothing's changed." Ronon looked everywhere but at her. He couldn't stand having her this close and not putting his arms around her.

"But you're back living in Atlantis and things are like they were before you found Trye. Why can't we be together again?" Jennifer was fighting hard to keep the tears in check, she didn't want to beg.

"Jennifer, I can't promise that I won't do it all over again if I find other Satedans. I can't promise that I'll ever get over this constant anger and turmoil. Things might be the same again but I'm not," Ronon growled as he tried to explain, frustrated he couldn't find the right words.

"I'll always be here for you," Ronon whispered as he pulled her into his arms.

"That's just it … you aren't," Jennifer answered as the tears silently began to fall. She pulled away from his embrace and rising up she gently kissed his cheek. "I will always love you." Making her declaration, Jennifer turned and walked out of his room … out of his life.

* * *

Colonel Sheppard was sitting by himself eating a quiet lunch late in the day. Being alone gave him time to contemplate the conversation he'd had earlier with Dr. Keller. He was so frustrated at the way things had turned out between the Doc and Ronon. Actually, he was beyond frustration at Ronon. Sheppard loved the man more than a brother but right now he just wanted to throttle the idiot.

Pride. Sheppard had experienced his own problems with pride over the years. His own pride had come between himself and his Earth family, his marriage and at times his career. But nothing compared with Satedan pride. Ronon could swallow a meal in no time flat but when it came to swallowing his pride the man rarely budged. Sheppard had been trying to reason with him for weeks now but couldn't manage to get through to him on the subject of Jennifer Keller. John had to admit, she'd been a patient woman but that was all about to come to an end.

* * *

Jennifer had come to his office this morning asking for his help. She'd decided it was time to stop clinging to the hope of ever having a life with Ronon. As much as she'd always considered Atlantis home, it was time to return to Earth and set Ronon free.

"Colonel, thank you for seeing me on such short notice," Jennifer managed a half-hearted smile as she entered his office.

"What can I do for you, Doc?" Sheppard asked as he motioned toward the only empty chair in the room.

"Do you mind?" Jennifer asked as she motioned toward the door. At John's nod she closed the door before sitting down.

Sheppard sat up a little straighter worried this wasn't going to be pleasant. John had considered the Doc part of his Lantian family for quite some time now and knew she'd endured some pretty emotional blows the past couple months. John didn't do "emotional" or "personal" very well but for the Doc he'd try his best.

"John, I wanted to inform you that I'll be leaving Atlantis soon and wanted to say goodbye privately. Actually, I've asked Colonel Carter to keep my leaving confidential as well," Jennifer explained trying to keep the tears at bay.

"You're what?" John asked rather astonished. "Why? I mean, I probably know why so maybe I mean why now?" Sheppard stuttered as he thought about Ronon.

Jennifer had planned exactly how she wanted to explain herself to John and none of her plans called for tears. Looking at her friend and the hurt in his face started the flow of tears and there was nothing she could do to stop it. How could she say good-bye to her friends or this life she'd built here in Atlantis, her home.

"I've done everything I know to mend our relationship but nothing's worked. I've, begged, reasoned and given him lots of time to deal with all that's happened in his life. But, at the end of the day, he just doesn't want me and we're making each other miserable.

Sheppard needed to pace but his office was too small especially with the door closed, which just added to his growing aggravation. Everyone turned to him to fix things; he was good at finding solutions, he was 'the man'. Right now Sheppard needed a plan A with several back-ups but nothing came to mind and he felt totally helpless.

"I know he loves you, Jennifer," John said stating the obvious. "It's only been a couple of months. Maybe give it some more time and he'll come around?" John was beginning to sound desperate. Ronon aside, Jennifer was part of his family, Atlantis was her home and he didn't want to lose her. Sheppard had never been good with family dynamics growing up; hence the estrangement from his Earth loved ones. He was very protective of his Lantian family though and would do all he could to hold them together.

"This is not something that time will heal," Jennifer explained continuing to seek his understanding. "I know he loves me but it's tearing me apart to see him and not be able to be a part of his life. I need to feel his touch, to comfort him when he needs it, to laugh together over something silly, I need him!" The words came tumbling out as the tears continued to fall.

Sheppard hurt for his friend. He began grasping at anything hoping to change her mind. "What about his ring," John asked as he nodded toward her neck.

Jennifer reached up fingering her necklace that held his ring. "Ronon gave me this ring as a pledge of his love. He gave it to show he was bonding himself to me for life." Jennifer let a soft sob escape as she held the ring remembering the night he gave it to her and all the promise it held. The ring stays with me." Jennifer said firmly. There was no use in discussing it further, Jennifer may leave this world but she would always be bound to the one who held her heart.

John could see there would be no 'moving on' for Jennifer once she left. She'd spend the rest of her life mourning for the life she left behind. John wanted more for her than a sentence of despair and a heart forever broken.

"This is your home, Jennifer. You've told me that a hundred times and I don't want to see you leave. Please take tonight to think it all over and come see me again tomorrow. Can you do that for me?" Sheppard asked hoping to buy some time till he could talk to Colonel Carter.

"I don't see how it would change anything but I'll do it for you. I'll come by tomorrow," Jennifer agreed knowing it would help John accept the inevitable.

John stood and moved around the desk to Jennifer. He took her in his arms and held on tight as she sobbed for all the things she couldn't change. His heart broke for her while his anger increased at the situation he couldn't fix.

* * *

Sheppard was pulled out of his thoughts as Ronon set his tray down on the table across from him.

"Hey," Ronon grunted as he sat down.

"Yeah," Sheppard mumbled as he worked at reigning in his thoughts.

"What's up … you look pissed," Ronon added frowning.

"I'm sitting here wondering what you're going to do about Jennifer," Sheppard said a bit too forcefully.

"Nothing. We've had this conversation before," Ronon warned not wanting to discuss it again.

"I'm tired of watching you throw everything away all for some misplaced loyalty to something that no longer exists. All that's left of Sateda is memories, but Jennifer's alive and for some unexplained reason, loves you. Why are you throwing that all away?"

John took a deep breath trying to calm down. He lowered his voice but kept the intensity as he continued to reason with his friend.

"Look, big guy, if you tell me you don't love her anymore then I'll back off," Sheppard offered as he stared at the angry man.

"I will always love her but she needs someone better," Ronon answered, angry that Sheppard would question how he felt about Jennifer.

Sheppard tried to keep his voice low as he exploded, "You're about to ruin the best thing that ever happened to you because of your stupid pride and allegiance to something that's gone!" John stood up grabbing his empty tray and leaned over the table glaring at Ronon, "The best thing that ever happened to you!"

John walked over to the tub that held the dirty trays. He slammed his tray onto the stack causing several to fall to the floor. Most of the dinning hall watched as their angry military commander stormed out of the room.

* * *

John sat brooding in his office for most of the afternoon before heading up to talk to Carter. Arriving at her open door he knocked on the doorframe.

"Colonel, do you have a minute?" John asked as Colonel Carter looked up from her desk.

"Come in, Colonel," Carter answered surprised it took Sheppard so long to come see her.

John walked in shutting the door before he took a seat.

"I take it Dr. Keller has already been by to see you?" Carter asked knowing the answer by the look on John's face.

"Isn't there anything we can do to stop this?" John asked, frustration evident in his voice.

"I'm as upset as you are, John … any suggestions?" Sam wanted nothing more than to keep her CMO.

"I've talked to Ronon till I'm blue in the face. He's so stubborn and not listening to anyone or anything," John said exasperated. "I'd take Ronon out and beat the crap out of him if I thought it'd help." John started pacing hoping it'd help him think of something.

"The best I can come up with is a leave of absence or sabbatical for Jennifer. That way she could keep her position for a short amount of time … say two or three months," Sam offered as a possible solution.

"Was she open to the idea?" John really liked this plan.

"I didn't mention it to her. Actually, I don't think she'd agree. She was pretty set on resigning," Carter explained.

"Can you submit her paper work as a leave without her knowing?" John asked hoping to buy them more time to resolve the problem. "That would give me a couple months to knock some sense into Ronon."

"I'll submit the paperwork and see what happens," Sam agreed knowing it wasn't much but at least it was something. "Remember, John, this is all strictly confidential. Jennifer wants to leave without anyone knowing and I've agreed to honor her wishes," Sam admonished hoping it wouldn't actually happen. They still had 36 hours before the Daedalus was scheduled to leave.


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N_**_: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 5

Jennifer spent the afternoon sorting and packing her things away. Sam arranged for her to store her boxes and ship them home once she was settled. She'd invited Evan for dinner in the mess hall tonight. She planned to have him come back to her room afterwards and break the news to him. Jennifer wasn't sure how she'd get along without seeing Evan all the time. She knew he'd keep in touch but it wasn't the same.

She picked up a framed picture of the gang from last New Year's Eve. Jen couldn't help but smile as she sat down on her bed remembering what a fun night it'd been for everyone. Reaching to the picture she ran her finger over Ronon's face. They looked so happy together. John and Teyla were standing on one side of them with Evan and Laura on the other side of Ronon. Jennifer put the picture on the pile she was packing to take with her. Her room was a complete mess but Jen felt she had a good start on the packing.

Evan met Jennifer at the doors to the mess hall and they quickly filled their plates. It was a late dinner so the dining hall was almost empty. Evan could tell she was not herself tonight, choosing to keep the conversation light he entertained her with details of the missions he'd been on during the week.

"Evan, do you have a few minutes to come back to my room with me?" Jennifer asked.

"Sure, I have a sparring match later tonight but I have a good hour or so, can't think of anyone I'd rather spend it with," Evan agreed smiling.

The two walked arm in arm to her room. As soon as Evan walked through the door he knew something was very wrong.

"What's going on, Jennifer?" Evan asked as soon as he saw all the packing boxes.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," she said holding back tears.

"I'll be leaving on the Daedalus tomorrow night." Jennifer waited for his response.

"Oh please, tell me you're kidding," Evan growled shaking his head back and forth.

"I'm sorry. I've tried everything … Evan, you know I've done everything but hold a gun to his head. Not being with him is killing me and I can't hide in my room forever," Jennifer explained reaching for his hand.

"This is insane. I don't want you to leave," Evan sighed as he sat down on the bed. "Where are you going?"

"I'm not sure yet. I may ask General Landry if I can hang out for a couple of days and try to figure it all out. I expect you and Laura to come see me occasionally," Jennifer ordered.

"You know we will. Is there a chance I can talk you out of this?" Evan asked.

"No. But thanks for wanting to," Jennifer smiled as she leaned down and hugged him.

"I think I'll cancel my sparring session," Evan suggested wanting to spend more time with her.

"I have a lot to do before I leave so I need to shoo you out of here and get busy. Please don't say anything to anyone. I just want to leave quietly."

"If that's what you want. Does this mean I can't knock some sense into Ronon tonight?" Evan asked.

"Believe me, several have tried already and it's only made it worse," Jennifer scowled.

Evan stopped at the door and took Jennifer into his arms. He gave her a long, warm hug causing the tears Jennifer was holding back to fall.

"I'm going to miss you so much. Promise you won't forget me," Jennifer choked out as she clung to her best friend.

"I'll always be a part of your life … don't forget that," Evan whispered as he released her and quickly left.

* * *

Jennifer accomplished a lot her last night on Atlantis but with the sunrise all her fears and worries came flooding back. "What if I'm making the wrong decision?" she asked herself as she headed toward Colonel Sheppard's office.

"Good Morning, John," Jennifer greeted, dropping all formalities.

"Is it tomorrow already?" he growled not wanting to have this conversation.

"Afraid so." Jennifer gave a halfhearted smile.

"I don't suppose you've changed your mind?" John asked hoping she'd stay.

"I'll be leaving tonight. I've told Evan but no one else," she replied.

"We'll keep it that way although I'd love to smack Ronon upside the head with this information," John growled again.

"Probably wouldn't help. Come say goodbye," Jennifer requested as she moved around the desk to hug the Colonel.

"I'll miss you," John whispered as he hugged her awkwardly, but tightly.

"Me too. I'll always think of you as family," Jennifer sobbed as she held on for one more moment.

"Back at ya," John answered choking up as he spoke.

Jennifer spent the rest of the day tying up loose ends. She worked in the infirmary for a few hours just to spend time with her staff. In the late afternoon she went to her quarters and marked all her boxes before shoving them into the corner of the room. Next she cleaned her room and packed the bags she was taking with her on the Daedalus.

Half way through the final packing she sat down on the bed feeling nauseous. Jennifer hadn't felt herself since the shooting and skipping meals wasn't helping. Looking at her clock she realized it was the dinner hour … not a good time to show up in the dining hall. A moment later she heard her door chime and made her way to the other room.

"Eat," Evan ordered as he shoved a tray in her hand.

"This is why I love you," Jennifer smiled gratefully, hoping the food would calm her nerves.

Evan leaned in and kissed the top of her head as he turned and walked away. Jennifer watched him retreat down the corridor knowing she would miss him terribly.

Finishing her dinner, Jen placed the empty tray on the counter feeling much better. She finished up the last of the packing and settled at her desk to type some last minute things into the infirmary data pad.

It was time to leave, finally. Jennifer took one last look around her room thinking of all the years she'd spent here. Her eyes settled on her bed and the tears fell as she realized she'd never share it again with the man she loved.

The door chimed and Jennifer opened it to find two Marines who were assigned to come help with her luggage. She smiled knowing Evan couldn't let her go without one last loving gesture. She thanked the men for their help as the three of them headed for the gate room.

It was close to midnight and the lights had already been dimmed for the evening. Jennifer knew Colonel Carter had most likely made the order knowing it would be more comforting without the harsh lights of the city. Colonel Carter and Colonel Sheppard met Jennifer as she entered the gate room. Sam gave her friend and CMO a hug and wished her well. Next, she stepped over to John to say goodbye once again.

"John, you didn't have to come," she whispered as she returned his hug. "Please take care of him," she quietly sobbed as he tried to comfort her.

"I will … when I'm through being mad. I'll save your spot at the table," John assured her.

* * *

Ronon was feeling antsy and went in search of Sheppard hoping to get in a sparring session before bed. Not finding him in his room or the mess hall, he headed toward the control room. As he entered the control room the sight of Jennifer and Sheppard hugging below on the gate room floor caught his attention and he hung back in the shadows above trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He stayed in the shadows watching as Evan slowly walked across the floor toward Jennifer.

* * *

Evan took Jennifer into his arms and held her tightly. He could feel her quiet sobs against his chest.

"This is not goodbye, sweetheart," Evan said as he rubbed her back. "We'll see each other back on Earth until you come home."

"Be safe," Jennifer whispered as she pulled back.

Jennifer looked up placing her hands on Evans face. "I will miss you."

Evan leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the cheek as he released her. Colonel Carter radioed the Daedalus and Jennifer was beamed away.

Sheppard turned and left immediately for his quarters. Ronon crossed the balcony catching up with Sheppard as he started down the hallway toward his room.

"What was that all about?" Ronon asked frowning.

"Not now, Ronon," Sheppard growled angrily as he kept walking.

"What's with Jennifer and Lorne?" Ronon asked jealously.

"I said, not now," Sheppard repeated as Ronon followed him down the hallway.

"I want to know what's going on," he demanded of Sheppard.

John turned around sharply and advanced on Ronon backing the big guy up against the wall in the corridor. His face was red and the veins in his neck were bulging as he tried but failed to control his anger.

"That was Jennifer saying goodbye to her best friend. That was the woman who loves you more than life itself – although, I have no idea why – leaving on the Daedalus for Earth so you won't have to see her everyday," Sheppard snarled.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ronon snapped.

"We're not doing this right now. I'm not in the mood," Sheppard growled as he backed away and continued down the hall to his quarters.

* * *

Two Marines met Jennifer when she arrived on the Daedalus and escorted her and her luggage to the guest quarters. Exhausted, she quickly unpacked her toiletries getting ready for bed. Lying in the dark, she replayed the past couple of days over and over in her head as she cried herself to sleep.

Ronon sat on his bed in shock thinking about the scene that played out before him in the gate room. He couldn't believe she was gone. He still had time … he could go to her and bring her back … he could hold her once more if he hurried. But what would it change? He still didn't trust himself not to make the same decisions if he ever found any of his people again. He was still full of anger and darkness over everything that happened. Going to her wouldn't change anything. "She deserves better," he tried to convince himself.

* * *

The trip to Earth was long giving Jennifer a chance to get her emotions under control. She spent most of her time to herself catching up on sleep and reading through a few books she'd packed. Lindsey Novak, an engineer on the Daedalus, stopped by a few times and they usually met for breakfast. Jennifer knew Lindsey from her days at the SGC and always enjoyed her company.

This was the first down time Jennifer had experienced in years. It made her realize that she enjoyed the high stress and fast paced life she'd spent in the Stargate program. "Civilian life will be a challenge getting use to," Jennifer thought. Maybe a job in a trauma unit would be her best fit. Jen spent a lot of time her last week on the Daedalus mulling over her life and what she should do next. It was the first time in a long time she felt absolutely clueless. She just couldn't concentrate. Jen spent the days thinking about her career but at night, when everything was dark and quiet, her thoughts drifted to Ronon and the life she left behind.

After three long weeks of soul searching, the Daedalus finally beamed down her passengers to the SGC and the re-entry physicals began. Jennifer was shown to a bed in the infirmary where she sat waiting for the next available doctor. Seeing Dr. Carolyn Lam cross the room, Jennifer slid off the bed and embraced her friend. It was so good to see a friendly face.

"Jennifer, it's so good to see you," Dr. Lam greeted her smiling. "I heard you were returning home." Lam watched for any kind of reaction wanting to know why she'd left Atlantis.

"It's great to see you too, Carolyn," Jennifer said as she held on a bit longer than necessary. "Let's have dinner soon and I'll explain everything."

"I'll get you through this physical as quickly as possible. How've you been feeling?" Lam asked going through her mental list of routine questions.

"Actually, I've brought a copy of my medical records. I had an unusual situation recently that I haven't completely recovered from. At least I don't feel fully recovered," Jennifer explained as she handed Dr. Lam her medical file.

"I'm glad you brought your records with you. It's standard policy now to have all returnees keep a copy of their medical records listed here at the SGC but they can take forever to actually show up," Carolyn said rolling her eyes.

"Wow, you did have an unusual injury," Dr. Lam said frowning as she read through Jennifer's file. "How are you feeling now?"

"Just don't feel quite back to normal. I've lost some weight and I'm pretty tired lately. But, all that can be attributed to emotional stress that we'll talk about later," Jennifer replied sighing heavily.

"Okay. Well, let's do some tests and see what we find," Lam said smiling as she closed the file.

Dr. Lam ran a more detailed panel of blood tests and gave her a thorough physical. While they waited for all the tests to come back, Carolyn released Jennifer to get checked in on the base and find her quarters. Her request for a few days lodging had been pre-approved so the paper work was already completed. The women decided to meet for dinner in a few hours and go over Jen's tests results at that time.

Jennifer moved around her room unpacking a few things. She put her toiletries in the bathroom and hung up a few clothes. Reaching to the bottom of her duffle she found the picture of her and Ronon. Placing it on her nightstand she realized that her life on Atlantis was finally closed. Reaching for the picture once again, she laid down on her bed clutching it to her chest. Jennifer cried till she fell asleep … missing her family … missing Ronon.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N_**_: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 6

Jennifer woke from her nap and noticed she had a few minutes before meeting Carolyn for dinner. She pulled out her computer and began to write an email to Evan.

_Dear Evan … Well, I made it here – finally!! It was a long trip but Lindsey kept me company and it went by quickly. All that time on the Daedalus and I still didn't figure out what I'm going to do. I got approval to bunk on the base for a few days so that gives me time._

_How's Ronon? Are you taking care of him for me?? Or are you still mad at him? He needs his friends right now so don't be angry long. If he asks, tell him I'm okay._

_I made it through my physical but I'm still not 100% since the shooting so Carolyn ran some more tests just to be sure everything is okay. I think it's just a matter of exhaustion. I don't heal as quickly as I use to. Old age already! LOL_

_I haven't seen Laura yet but I just got here. I'll look around for her later. I hope I remember this right … you wanted me to give her a big kiss and tell her of your undying love?? I can hear you fretting two galaxies away!! Don't worry, I'll give her your customary "hug" but someone needs to fire up this "friendship" a little bit._

_Time for dinner. I miss you terribly._

_Love you, Jen _

* * *

Jennifer closed her laptop and put her shoes on. She took her time walking to the dining hall seeing if she could spot anyone that looked familiar. Personnel turnovers were pretty regular in this type of work still there were always a handful that embraced the challenge. It'd been three years since she left the SGC but everything still looked the same. I guess if it's not broken don't fix it.

Jennifer spotted Carolyn the minute she entered the room.

"Jennifer, I've arranged for us to use one of the private dining rooms this evening. That way we can go over your test results in private," Carolyn said trying to sound casual. She didn't want to alarm Jennifer about anything she may have found in her test results.

"This may as well be a private room for all the people I know," Jennifer replied laughing. "I haven't spotted anyone who looks familiar."

"Well, SG-1 is off world right now and we are between shifts … I'm sure Laura will hunt you down later." Carolyn smiled and she nodded toward a doorway in the back of the room.

Once seated, Dr. Lam pulled out Jennifer's medical file. Taking a deep breath she proceeded to change Jennifer's life forever.

"Jennifer, your blood tests look really good. I'm sure you will always have some markers that don't look normal to the average doctor … we call it the Pegasus effect. It looks like Dr. Cole did an excellent job of cleansing your system after the shooting. You'll have to share all that with me sometime," Dr. Lam said raising her eyebrows.

"Do you think the whole ordeal is what's causing the fatigue and weight loss?" Jennifer asked.

"No, actually, I did find something in your blood work that accounts for all your symptoms." Dr. Lam hated this part of her job. Carolyn was afraid of pushing Jennifer over the edge with her news but there was nothing she could do but finish her report.

"Jennifer, you're pregnant," Carolyn announced waiting for Jen's response.

Shock didn't quite express the look that spread across Jennifer's face. Dr. Lam waited giving Jen time to absorb what she'd said. Jennifer sat for a long time saying nothing. Finally, her eyes began to fill with tears as the truth began to sink in.

"Are you sure?" Jennifer whispered.

"Yes. I take it this isn't good news?" Dr. Lam asked trying to get Jennifer to talk about her situation.

"Carolyn, I went through so much when I was shot. Will that hurt the baby?" Jennifer questioned as the tears silently fell on the dining room table.

"I don't think so but I want to run some different tests and get you in for an ultrasound tomorrow. Will you be up for that?"

"Sure, I'll come down in the morning," Jennifer promised as she slowly put everything back on her tray preparing to leave.

"Jennifer, I know it's none of my business but it might help if you talk about it." Carolyn suggested gently.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really tired and think I'll go to bed early," Jennifer said as she stood to leave. "You know, Carolyn, I knew when I got here I needed to find a new job. Being a single mom wasn't even on the short list," Jennifer said sarcastically.

Carolyn stood and stepped into Jennifer's path, gathering her into her arms she held her for a long time while Jennifer cried for all that would never be.

* * *

Ronon and SGA-2 just returned through the gate from a routine supply run to one of their ally planets. Ronon spent most of his time on missions hoping to keep his mind occupied with thoughts other than Jennifer. Sheppard was already in the habit of placing him on Lorne's team when the opportunity afforded itself. Between missions and training sessions, Ronon had very little down time, which suited him just fine.

He wandered down the hallway on the way to his room to clean up before finding something to eat. Now that he was back in Atlantis he couldn't stop thinking about Jennifer, she was always on his mind. Ronon took a quick shower washing away the dust and grime from the mission. Quickly dressing, he sat on the bed to put his boots back on and gazed over at Jennifer's picture on his nightstand. He sat for a moment, hunched over with his head in his hands letting regrets consume him. He had no one to blame but himself but the pain didn't care whose fault it was. He didn't want it to ever get better. He wanted to feel this intense pain knowing it would somehow keep a connection with her. As perverse as that sounded, he didn't care. He never wanted to move on or put Jennifer behind him. To do that would mean certain death for him … better to grieve; at least she'd still be with him.

Ronon arrived in the mess hall hoping to find Lorne at one of the tables. Spotting him sitting alone, he filled a tray and moved toward him. Ronon knew everyone was still upset with him for pushing Jennifer away. Sheppard and Lorne had barely said two words to him in the past month but he needed to know if she was okay. It was worth swallowing his pride and asking if he got some answers.

"Mind if I sit with you?" Ronon asked as he stood at Lorne's table.

"Sure… wondered when you were going to ask about her." Lorne said as Ronon sat down.

"I figured if anyone's heard from her it'd be you. Is she okay?" Ronon asked holding his breath.

"She arrived at the SGC just fine. Still feeling a bit rocky from the shooting but Dr. Lam is running some tests to be sure everything's okay. She's missing you, missing Atlantis." Lorne finished looking to Ronon for some kind of response.

"Thanks, Lorne, I appreciate that," Ronon replied looking miserable.

"Yeah, just remember that next time we spar," Lorne said smiling at his friend hoping to lighten his burden. He knew Jen would scold him if he stayed mad too long.

Ronon looked up and gave Lorne a small grin. "You got it."

* * *

Jennifer arrived in the infirmary early the next morning taking a seat in Dr. Lam's office.

"Good morning. If you're ready, Jen, I'd like to start with an ultrasound," Dr. Lam explained.

Before Jen could answer there was a knock at the door. Carolyn answered to find Laura standing in the doorway. Dr. Lam stepped aside giving Laura silent permission to join them. The lieutenant rushed in giving Jen a huge hug.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion … Jennifer, I've been looking for you everywhere. What is going on?" Laura started firing off questions faster than Jen could answer.

"I'm sorry, I went to bed early. Sit down for a few minutes and I'll explain everything to both of you," Jennifer said feeling tired once again.

Jennifer proceeded to explain everything that happened between her and Ronon. The Wraith worshipers, the betrayal, Ronon's plans to leave Atlantis and his leaving Jennifer all tumbled out at once. Thankfully she was able to get through it all without crying. Without resting in between, Jen launched right into the shooting and her time in the infirmary followed by her decision to leave Atlantis and return to Earth. Before all the questions started she wanted to return to her room, curl up and sleep forever.

Laura sat with her mouth open trying to take it all in.

"You left Atlantis … this is not just a visit?" Laura asked incredulously.

"Yes, I'm here for good. Are you on duty, Laura?" Jennifer interjected between questions.

"No, not for another hour," Laura answered.

"Good. We were just on our way to have an ultrasound. Come on … let's go look at your new niece or nephew," Jennifer said as she stood up and grabbed Laura's hand pulling her out of the office. Carolyn chuckled and slowly shook her head back and forth. She'd never seen Laura so dumbstruck before. This would all be rather humorous if it wasn't so tragic.

Just before lunch Jennifer sat down with Carolyn again in her office and went over all the new test results with her.

"Jennifer, the baby looks good and very healthy despite all you've been through. You need to take it easy for a few days and I'm ordering you to eat! You need to gain some weight. As you saw, this little one didn't cooperate so we won't know the sex of the baby for a few more weeks. Maybe by the next ultrasound I'll be able to tell if you decide you want to know. I would say you're about 13-14 weeks along," Dr. Lam explained.

"That sounds about right," Jennifer confirmed quietly.

"Jen you look like you could use some rest but I have one more thing I'd like to discuss if you feel up to it."

"I'm fine Carolyn and I need to meet Laura in an hour so I don't have time for a nap anyway. Fire away," Jennifer replied anxious to hear whatever Lam had to say.

"I know you haven't figured out what you want to do yet but I'd like to propose your staying on and helping me out in the infirmary. You're still technically on the books so HR would have an easy time transferring you to SGC and I already have it approved. We are down a couple of doctors and could really use your help … plus, I like having you around," Carolyn added smiling.

"Everything's happening so fast I'm not sure what to do. Now that my dad's gone I don't have much of a desire to go back to Chippewa Falls. I guess it makes sense to stay since I'd have to travel back and forth anyway for my prenatal care and the delivery. Are you sure my condition wouldn't be a problem for the powers that be?' Jennifer asked knowing that military regulations could sometimes be rather sticky about some things.

"I'll check with General Landry but I don't think there's a problem. We've had several doctors in the past that have been pregnant and we just work around their pregnancy and maternity leave," Dr. Lam explained hoping Jennifer would give it some serious thought.

"I'll check things out and get back to you tomorrow," Carolyn added.

"Thanks. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep my pregnancy confidential. I really don't want it getting back to Atlantis. Things are difficult enough as it is," Jennifer said sadly.

"When you're ready Jennifer, I'm here if you need a friend to listen," Carolyn offered.

Jennifer returned to her room and sat on the bed thinking about Ronon. He'd be so happy to know he was having a baby. Before she could stop herself, she burst into tears. "I've made such a mess of my life," she thought to herself.

Jennifer grabbed her picture of Ronon once again curling up with it on her bed. That's how Laura found her when she arrived with their dinner. She left Jennifer's tray on the desk before covering her with a blanket and turning out the light. Tomorrow was soon enough to have that long talk, she thought as she slipped out the door.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 7

_Hey Sweetheart … good to hear you made it okay. I bet it's weird to be back at the SGC. I miss seeing you at the dinner table. It's funny, there always seems to be an empty chair. Guess we're all waiting for you to run in late and grab the last seat._

_Have you seen Laura yet? How does she look? I miss my girls. I'll be picking my dates for leave soon so let me know what your plans are. I want to come see you wherever you end up._

_Love you Jen,_

_Evan_

Lorne finished his email and headed out for a late morning mission. This was just a quick supply delivery and should only take a couple of hours. Hopefully they'd be back before dinner.

Ronon decided to take a longer than normal run to try and clear his head. The past few weeks had felt like a waking nightmare. It had been over three weeks since Jennifer left on the Daedalus but it was still hard to believe she was gone. He'd found himself walking past the infirmary several times a day… mostly out of habit but a small part of him was hopeful that Jennifer would turn and wave to him as he walked by. The constant anger and darkness was slowly ebbing away leaving him in a state of sadness that he wore like a blanket.

Lorne and Sheppard had finally forgiven him. Teyla kept inviting him to movies and trips to see her people but mostly Ronon just kept to himself. He never imagined the pain would be so strong … never considered when he pushed her away that she would leave. He thought he could love her from afar and keep her safe, it had been such a selfish thought and he knew that now.

* * *

Jennifer met with Carolyn at the end of the week and they finalized the paperwork and schedule for Jennifer's new position at the SGC. Jen had decided to stay on base for now in her present room until the baby was born.

She quickly settled into a routine and did pretty well as long as she stayed away from thinking about the past. Try as she may, she always came back to thoughts of Ronon as soon as the lights went off at the end of each day. Jennifer realized there'd be no "moving on" in her life but she was content for the moment with the decisions she's made. Carolyn had even found a small room close to the infirmary for her to use as a research lab.

Laura and Jennifer spent a couple of days hanging out together before work started for Jen and Laura returned to Area 51. Laura would split her time between SGC and Area 51 for another 4-5 months before she returned to duty on the Daedalus. She was hoping it would drag out long enough to be with Jennifer when the baby was born.

* * *

4 Months Later

Jennifer was between her eighth and ninth month of pregnancy and feeling every day of it lately. Hating to have down time, she found herself working longer hours in her lab. She had nothing to compare it to but this last month seemed unusually hard.

"Hey Jen … what're you working on?" Daniel asked as he entered the lab.

"Just some research I started back in the Pegasus galaxy," Jennifer answered. "How are you doing this evening?"

"I came to collect you. You've been working way too hard since you got here and it's date night," Daniel explained.

"I'm not sure I follow," Jen responded.

"Vala is gone this week so I'm taking you to movie night … won't take no for an answer." Daniel said firmly. "Popcorn, chick flick and good company, what more could you want?"

Jennifer opened her mouth to protest when Daniel pulled a box of Whoppers out of his pocket and started shaking them heading toward the door. Jennifer smiled as she started shutting everything off in her lab. This was probably the first social function she'd participated in since she arrived on base.

After locking her door, Daniel threw an arm around her as they walked to the Rec hall together. "Have I told you I'm glad you're back home again? You were missed around here," Daniel said sincerely.

"Yes, about once a week you mention it," Jennifer laughed. "But thanks, I appreciate that a lot, Daniel," Jennifer answered quietly. She really cared about her old friends here at Stargate Command and would never correct them but her heart still belonged on Atlantis and she would always consider that home.

Daniel found them seats on a couch close to the front of the room just as the lights dimmed. Jennifer made it through the first third of the movie before she had to take another bathroom break. It felt good to walk around a bit. This had been a hard week on her physically and she knew she'd have to take it slower in the days to come.

Easing herself back on the couch, Jennifer snuggled up against Daniel and promptly fell asleep. Daniel was surprised she made it as far as she did before surrendering to the needs of her body. He couldn't remember a time when she actually made it all the way through a movie … ever! He couldn't help but laugh as he reached across her snatching her box of whoppers to enjoy with the rest of the movie.

* * *

Jennifer woke early but not feeling well she decided to go back to bed and sleep in. She was far enough along in her pregnancy that she no longer worked shifts in the infirmary. Instead, she spent her time in her lab working on research. Today she was thankful she didn't have any obligations. She hadn't felt good all week and it seemed to get worse every day. "I'll be glad when this pregnancy is over," she thought to herself.

Waking again late in the morning Jennifer felt an overwhelming urge to get some things done she'd been procrastinating on. First thing on the list was an email to Evan to explain her condition. Until now, she'd never had the courage to tell Evan she was pregnant. She couldn't find the right words so she just kept putting it off. She needed to do that today as well as clean her quarters and pack a small bag to take to the infirmary when the time came. "This must be what that whole 'nesting' thing was about," she thought smiling to herself.

She walked over to her desk and grabbed her laptop and a pad of paper to make a list.

Email Evan

Clean room

Pack bag

Shop for baby clothes

Go through baby name book again

Eat

First things first Jen thought as she opened her laptop.

Dear Evan … I miss you to pieces. Are you sitting down? You need to be for this next bit of news. First of all, please forgive me for being so late (no pun intended). I couldn't figure out how to tell you and didn't want to do it in an email. I guess I kept hoping that Laura would be back on the Daedalus by now and she could do this for me.

_Oh well … here goes … I'm pregnant. So, are you sitting down now?? I realized this morning that I couldn't put this announcement off any longer especially since I'm due pretty soon. You're going to be an uncle (again)! All kidding aside, I'm getting pretty scared. My emotions range from guilt to shame to wonder and back again. I'll be much happier when I have this little one and can get off this emotional roller coaster. _

_How does Ronon look? Is he taking care of himself? Are you looking after him for me? Evan, he would be so happy to know he was going to be a father – hence the guilt. The future looks so impossible to me right now but I know I'll find some way to tell him in time. Please keep this to yourself for now._

_Are you keeping safe? I wish your leave were this month instead of next. I really need you right now. I have good friends here but it's not the same. I'm scared of the whole mother thing. What if I mess it up? I need one of your pep talks!_

_As always, I love and miss you._

_Jennifer_

Jennifer checked Evan off the list and proceeded to start in on her room. Thankfully, she was living in guest quarters so there wasn't much to clean. Most of the time was spent on cleaning off flat surfaces and organizing her closet. The lunch hour rolled around and Jen met Carolyn for a quick bite to eat before proceeding down her list.

"How are you feeling today?" Dr. Lam asked as she poured dressing over her salad.

"Actually, I'm feeling a bit energetic today so I'm trying to catch up on some personal things," Jennifer replied smiling. "I've actually crossed off two items from my list.

"Great. What two items did you get done already?" Carolyn inquired.

"First of all I slept in this morning. Rats, I should have put that on my list then I could have crossed off three things. Anyway, I cleaned my room and finally emailed Evan," Jennifer said beaming, all proud of herself.

"Major Lorne?" Carolyn asked raising her eyebrow.

"Yes. We email each other every week but I hadn't sent the 'I'm pregnant' email yet," Jen explained sighing heavily.

"Why would that be a problem for the Major?" Carolyn asked looking a bit confused.

"I'm sure it won't be a problem more like a worry. Evan and I are best friends and have been since our days back here at SGC years ago. I just didn't want to tell him in an email so I kept putting it off. I'm sure he'll be concerned until he knows the baby is here and we're both fine." Jennifer explained. "He'll be here on leave next month but I could sure use his comforting face right about now. I hate being so emotional!"

"The emotions are pretty normal at this point in your pregnancy. Do you have anyone to help you through the delivery?" Dr. Lam inquired.

"Laura is going to try and make it. Or I might wait until Evan gets here on leave," Jennifer said grinning knowing she didn't have any control over the situation.

"If it were just that simple," Carolyn laughed. "Come round later this afternoon I want to give you a quick checkup.

"Will do. I think I better continue down my list. I'm off to the local baby store. It's about time I buy a few things for this little one," Jennifer said rubbing her stomach.

"Are you telling me you don't have anything put aside yet?" Carolyn asked incredulously.

"Have I told you I'm a procrastinator with everything but work?" Jennifer laughed.

"I'm starting to see a different side of you Dr. Keller," Dr. Lam added grinning at her newest doctor. "Seriously, Jennifer, I'm really thankful you took this position. You bring a lot of positive talents to the job. Now, you better hurry with your shopping and be back in the clinic by 1600 hours for your appointment," Dr. Lam instructed as she shooed Jennifer out of the mess hall.

Jennifer arrived back on base with diapers, blankets, booties and nighties all in neutral colors stuffed in a huge diaper bag. Her new found energy was quickly disappearing and she still had half her list to go.

Grabbing her list, Jennifer inserted 'doctor's appointment' at the bottom and put her shoes on to head to the infirmary.

"Hey Jennifer, how did the shopping trip go?" Dr. Lam asked as she entered Jennifer's exam room with her file in hand.

"I think I got at least one of everything I need," Jennifer answered proudly.

Dr. Lam gave Jen a thorough exam. She determined that Jen was just starting into the early stages of labor. Her cervix was thinning out and there was some slight dilation, which only concerned Lam because Jennifer didn't have any solid support system in place yet to help her through the birthing process. Dr. Lam knew that beneath the cool professional exterior Dr. Keller projected there was a young woman scared to death of all the changes taking place in her life. Jennifer really needs a familiar face to be the voice of reason right now.

"Well, Dr. Keller, I think it's time for you to give Lt. Cadman a call and put her on stand-by," Dr. Lam instructed smiling.

"Whoa … are you saying soon? Because I'm not ready. I have the rest of my list to complete and I'm right in the middle of an experiment that needs to be finished. Plus, I'm not due for a few more weeks. I don't even have a bed for the baby or a place to live," Jennifer rambled unable to accept the news.

"Jennifer! Slow down. This baby will come when he or she is ready. You will be fine I promise."

"What if Laura can't get here in time. I don't think I can do this alone," Jennifer whispered as tears began to fill her eyes.

Dr. Lam took her hand and firmly assured her, "Jennifer you can do this. You will make a wonderful mother and believe me, you will have lots of eager hands to help you. Remember, we take care of our own – you won't be doing this alone."

"Come see me again tomorrow and we'll see how things are progressing." Dr. Lam instructed.

Jennifer woke from her prescribed nap remembering her exam room melt down. The sleep gave her a new perspective calming her fears. She put in a call to Laura explaining her situation and the new due date. Unfortunately, Laura wouldn't be able to come for another week. It was the best she could do so Jennifer purposed to wait until she got here. She decided to rest and stay in bed hoping that would give her the extra days she needed till Laura arrived.

* * *

At 1600 hours Jennifer made the trip back to the infirmary hoping for better news today.

"Jennifer, how are you feeling this afternoon?" Carolyn asked.

"I've been resting and eating properly. Laura can't make it until next week so I'm just going to wait. I'll stay in bed the whole time if I have to," Jennifer explained.

"Jennifer, I'm sorry but this baby will not wait that long," Carolyn said hoping Jen would accept the situation and prepare herself.

"But I can't do this alone, I really believe I can wait," Jennifer answered firmly. "We're only talking six more days. I'll stay off my feet and do whatever it takes."

"Jennifer, you're a doctor. You know this isn't like treating the flu. You won't be able to control the timing so you need to prepare yourself," Dr. Lam replied as she took her hand to encourage her. "I want you to go back to your room and rest. I'll have someone bring you some dinner. We'll check you again tomorrow but rest until then."

"No problem. I'll make it … you'll see," Jennifer said confidently. "Thank you, Carolyn. I'm thankful for everything you've done for me starting with taking me in when I needed a home."

"You're very welcome, Jennifer. Now get back to your room and get some rest," Carolyn ordered smiling.

Carolyn took an early dinner joining Daniel Jackson at his table. She informed Daniel of Jennifer's present condition and the worries she had with her emotional state. Carolyn asked Daniel if he had any ideas of someone who could stand in for Laura but the answer was a definite no, at least not in this galaxy. Daniel loaded up a dinner tray and stopped by Jennifer's room after he left Carolyn.

Jennifer was just waking up when she heard the knock on the door. Figuring it was probably dinner she yelled 'come in' as she sat up in bed. Daniel quickly entered finding her in the bedroom.

"Hey Jennifer. Brought you some dinner," Daniel greeted as he handed her the tray.

"Thanks. Can you stay for a few?" Jennifer asked as she situated the tray on her lap.

"Sure. How're you doing?" he asked thinking he'd seen her look better.

"Not very well tonight. Besides being terribly uncomfortable, I just don't feel well." Jennifer answered frowning.

"You must be getting excited about the baby. Looks like it shouldn't be long now." Daniel smiled.

"I'm waiting for Laura so I just have to hang on another 5-6 days. Actually, I'm a bit more worried about it than excited. I'm afraid my life's about to fall apart … not that it was in great shape to begin with," Jennifer said laughing at herself.

"Jennifer, you have a lot of people here at the SGC that want to be an active part of your life. We're here to support you and help out however we can. Don't forget that. Now, what can we do if Laura doesn't make it here in time?" Daniel inquired.

"I know I'm just being a baby about all of this but I'm counting on her being here. I really do love all of you and wouldn't have made it all these months without everyone's friendship. It's just that Laura is part of my Atlantis family and I just need someone from home right now. I feel pretty sure I'll be able to wait till she gets here," Jennifer said sounding more confident than she felt.

"I understand, but we're all going to be here backing her up so don't forget that. I need to run, get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow." Daniel stood and kissed her cheek as he headed toward the door.

Jennifer placed her empty tray on the floor and settled back under the covers trying to fall back to sleep. All she could think about was Ronon and how much she missed him. In a perfect world he'd be the one holding her hand and helping her breathe through the labor pains. But she lived in more of a Pegasus world and the timing was never what it should be.


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 8

It'd been months since Jennifer left but Ronon still couldn't forgive himself for pushing her away. He knew he'd never get involved with anyone again … he'd already given his heart away and there was nothing left for anyone else. Not that several women hadn't tried to console him and help him forget her. Hell, every time a new batch of recruits showed up off the Daedalus he had 3-4 new ones to growl at and send running. Maybe he should just tattoo 'not interested' on his forehead and be done with it. He was always in a foul mood when the Daedalus was docked.

Lorne sat by himself at a table in the mess hall thinking about the email he'd just received from Jennifer. A baby … wow… hard to believe. He just couldn't wrap his head around the idea of Jennifer being a mom. He knew she'd make a wonderful mother but the thought of her being a 'single' mom was hard for him to accept. Hopefully the people at SGC would continue to fill in as a surrogate family until she returned home. Evan would never give up on the idea of her coming home no matter how hopeless it all seemed at the moment. He needed to email Laura tonight and make sure she'd be there for Jennifer. Too bad he couldn't change his leave time and go now. Unfortunately, once the assignments were out there was no changing it. At least he'd be able to see her next month.

Sheppard and Ronon walked into the mess hall joining Lorne for breakfast.

"Morning Major." Sheppard greeted his 2IC as he set his tray down. "Have you got those training sessions worked out for the new recruits?"

"Still working on the schedules now that we're a man down," Lorne reported knowing Ronon would be off world tracking down a lead on a couple of Satedan soldiers.

"I'll be here," Ronon stated. "Put me back in the rotation."

"I thought you were going off world with Teyla. Didn't Solen give you a good lead on some of your people?" Sheppard said questioning.

" You're my people," Ronon grumbled. If he'd just understood the truth several months ago he wouldn't have lost Jennifer. He finally realized Satedans were his people… his roots, but Atlantis was his home and these people were his family.

"Tired of chasing rainbows?" Sheppard asked.

"What?" Ronon sneered.

"Never mind, buddy. Glad to have you home," Sheppard answered sincerely. "Let's begin training sessions tomorrow," Sheppard ordered nodding at Lorne.

* * *

Jennifer went into labor in the middle of the night with Laura still 2 days away. After several hours, Jennifer finally resigned herself to the fact she'd be delivering this baby without her. Carolyn encouraged her to rest as much as she could in the early part of her labor. As with most Satedan children, this baby was big and Dr. Lam guessed they were all in for a long delivery.

* * *

"Unauthorized off world activation," Chuck announced as Colonel Carter walked over to stand beside him.

"What've we got, Chuck?" Carter asked the tech as the wormhole stabilized.

"Looks like a video feed from Stargate Command," Chuck replied looking to Colonel Carter for direction.

"Please patch it into my monitor," Carter instructed as she headed toward her office.

Colonel Carter situated herself in front of her screen waiting for the feed.

"Hey, Sam, how are things in Atlantis?" Daniel asked from the Milky Way galaxy.

"It's good to see your face, Daniel," Sam smiled at her dear friend and former team member. "What's up?"

"I'm not sure where to start so I guess I'll start by saying this whole conversation is very confidential," Daniel said knowing Sam would keep this to herself.

"Our conversation won't leave my office, Daniel. So what can I do for you?" Sam asked as she moved to close her door.

"I'm not sure if you're aware but Jennifer Keller arrived here at the SGC pregnant. Actually, she wasn't even aware of it herself until her physical."

"Wow! I don't know what to say. No, I didn't know that. I'm not sure if anyone here in Atlantis knows," Samantha replied shocked.

"Sam, Jennifer is in labor as we speak and I want to ask a favor. This is all cleared here on our end so it'll just depend on your situation in Atlantis," he stated.

Daniel went on to explain everything and Sam said she'd get back to him within the hour.

Colonel Carter opened a channel on her radio.

"Major Lorne, this is Colonel Carter."

"This is Lorne, go ahead Colonel," Evan answered.

"Major, I need you to come to my office as soon as possible," Carter ordered.

"I'll be right there, Lorne out.

Major Lorne entered Colonel Carter's office looking a bit confused and frazzled.

"Please close the door, Major and take a seat."

Colonel Carter proceeded to explain what was going on with Jennifer and Daniel's plan. Things were fairly quiet right now on Atlantis so Samantha was inclined to grant Daniel's request if Lorne was willing.

"So Major, I'd like to send you through the gate for 2 days until Laura arrives. I'll write it in my report that you're returning to Earth on a family emergency. Is this something you're willing to do?" Carter inquired.

"Yes. Thank you Colonel, I'm very grateful," Evan replied stunned.

"How long will it take you to get ready?" Carter asked.

"Maybe 20 minutes," Evan answered knowing all he'd do is throw a change of clothes in a duffle and grab a toothbrush.

"Good, we can't leave Jennifer waiting. Please give her a hug for me, Major." Sam wished she could go herself but was thankful that Laura and Lorne could be there for her.

Thirty minutes later Colonel Carter nodded to the Major from the balcony as she instructed Chuck to dial the SGC.

A Marine greeted Major Lorne as he walked down the ramp at Stargate Command.

"Welcome back to Earth, Major Lorne, please follow me," the escort instructed as Lorne followed him from the gate room.

As Dr. Lam saw Evan enter the labor room, she leaned down and whispered in Jennifer's ear, "See, we take care of our own."

* * *

Jennifer embraced the last several hours of labor with Evan at her side. Lilly Grace arrived to the shouts and cheers of a roomful of friends and colleagues all insisting on having a turn holding the newest member of Stargate Command. At least for the moment, all seemed right with the world.

Evan stayed at Jennifer's bedside tending to her every need whilst maintaining an uncontrollable grin. Laura arrived a day early giving her and Evan a few precious hours together before his return to Atlantis. Jennifer continued to thank Carolyn and Daniel every chance she got for making it possible to have Evan with her for the delivery. It wasn't Ronon but it was the next best thing. She'd be forever grateful.

* * *

The months rolled by so quickly Jennifer couldn't keep up. She found suitable housing close to base and even found a wonderful nanny for Lilly. She knew she should be counting her blessings but with every milestone in Lilly's life she mourned the fact that her daddy was in another galaxy unaware of what a perfect daughter he had on Earth. Jennifer hadn't figured out how to compartmentalize the sadness she carried just under the surface. With every month and each year she became more and more homesick for Atlantis and the Pegasus galaxy.

Shortly after her birth, Colonel Carter returned to the SGC to resume her duties having been replaced by Richard Woolsey of the IOA. Jennifer was saddened that she lost her post but enjoyed having her around again. The two women spend many hours talking together about the City of the Ancients and their shared missions.

On Lilly's first birthday Evan presented her with a sweet little photo album complete with many pictures of her Atlantis family. Of course the first picture in the book was of him holding Lilly just minutes after her birth grinning from ear to ear. Lilly loved her picture book and played with it constantly. Jennifer made a point of showing it to her all the time and telling her about all the special people who loved her even if she didn't know all of them. It was important to Jennifer to keep that link with her Lantian family so even if Lilly had no idea what she was talking about, she continued to tell her stories of all her family in a distant galaxy.

* * *

Carolyn and Jennifer took a few minutes grabbing a light lunch together as they waited for SG-1 to return from their mission.

"How's Lilly doing?" Carolyn asked.

"She's growing right before my eyes. Honestly, I can't seem to keep enough books in the apartment to satisfy her. I think I might start taking her to the library once a week, it'll be easier on my checkbook."

"She does seem very eager to learn," Carolyn added.

"Is that a nice way to say she's very precocious?" Jennifer said laughing knowing her daughter was more adult than child.

"Carolyn, have you noticed a lot of new faces lately?" Jennifer asked as she looked around the lunchroom.

"I think Mr. Woolsey and General Landry might be conducting job interviews for Atlantis," Carolyn said venturing a guess. "At least that's what the rumor mill is saying."

"I guess that makes sense," Jennifer replied wondering what positions were being filled.

Dr. Lam's radio came to life with the news that SG-1 was back through the gate and on their way to the infirmary.

"Lunch break's over," Carolyn declared as both women left the dining hall.

Jennifer spotted Colonel Carter as she entered the infirmary. Catching Dr. Lam's eye she nodded toward Sam indicating she'd do her physical.

"Hey, Sam, how was your mission?" Jennifer asked as she took her blood pressure.

"Uneventful, which is just the way I like 'em." Sam replied.

"How've you been?" Sam asked sensing Jennifer had something on her mind. "Lilly doing okay?"

"We're both doing well. Lilly is about to turn three but acts like a teenager at times," Jennifer said rolling her eyes.

"Sam, I know you sometimes help out with personnel interviews and I was wondering what positions they were filling right now?" Jennifer asked trying to sound nonchalant.

"Actually, I'm sitting in on the interviews this afternoon for the medical staff positions on Atlantis," Sam replied watching Jennifer for any sign of interest.

"Just out of curiosity, are they still accepting applications?" Jennifer asked.

"I'm sorry, Jennifer. Position openings closed a couple of weeks ago," Samantha said wondering if Jennifer was ready to go home.

"Not a problem," Jennifer replied quickly, "I'm not even sure why I asked – just curious I guess."

* * *

Colonel Carter sat through another afternoon of boring interviews hoping to find a few promising candidates for Atlantis but no one jumped out as qualified. They'd filled a few nursing positions and picked up two qualified doctors last week but the more important position of CMO was still to be decided.

"Mr. Woolsey, do you have a few minutes?" Colonel Carter asked as their last interview ended.

"Yes, Colonel, what can I do for you?" Mr. Woolsey asked as he sighed, exasperated at the lack of progress in the interviews.

"I'd like to discuss something that might just be an answer to your needs," Carter explained hoping she wasn't overstepping her bounds.


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N**__: Thank you so much to bailey1ak for all your help and encouragement. _

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Stargate Atlantis or it's wonderful characters.

Spoilers: Reunion season 4

_I appreciate your reviews. Any type of criticism is helpful. Enjoy!_

Chapter 9

Ronon and Major Lorne arrived at the gym early to meet Colonel Sheppard for some warm up sparring before the demonstration. With the Daedalus's early morning docking on the east pier, new recruits had been arriving on base all morning. Colonel Sheppard had just greeted the last batch to beam in and was making his way to the gym. A training demonstration was scheduled for 1300 hours so the men had an hour to kill.

Major Lorne was just starting through some warm up exercises when his radio came to life.

"Major Lorne this is Colonel Caldwell."

"This is Major Lorne," Evan answered wondering why the Colonel would be hailing him and not Sheppard.

"Major, you're needed on the east pier as soon as possible," Caldwell instructed.

"Colonel, are you requesting my team as well?" Lorne was a bit curious about the odd request.

"No, Major, just yourself. Caldwell out." The connection went dead leaving Lorne a bit baffled.

"Sorry, Ronon, I'm needed on the east pier. Gotta go." Lorne hurriedly put his boots back on and straightened his uniform as he quickly left the gym.

Colonel Sheppard arrived just as Major Lorne was stepping into the transporter. He wondered what was up that had the Major moving double time.

"Hey Big Guy, what's with Lorne? I thought he was going to warm up with us?" Sheppard asked Ronon as he entered the gym.

"Got a call from Caldwell. Isn't your radio on?" Ronon asked knowing he should've heard the call.

Sheppard fiddled with his earpiece for a few seconds frowning, "It is now. So, what's up?"

"Caldwell wants him out on the east pier," Ronon relayed the message.

"That's odd. Come on … let's go spy on him," Sheppard said wanting to know why he wasn't contacted first.

Sheppard and Ronon took the transporter to the closest corridor and stepped out on the balcony overlooking the east pier. They could just make out a woman and child out at the end of the pier walking toward the city with Major Lorne just starting out toward them.

"There's something you don't see too often," Sheppard noted as he nodded toward the visitors.

"Maybe it's someone Lorne knows," Ronon grunted.

Lorne stepped outside wondering why Caldwell needed him out here. He could see someone out at the end of the pier and assumed this might have been why he was summoned. Walking toward the woman and child he started to feel a familiarity about them and increased his stride.

As Evan drew near, the little girl broke free of her mother's hand and began running toward the Major.

"Uncle Evan, Uncle Evan," Lilly cried as she ran. As Evan reached the little girl he bent down and scooped her up into his arms. "Hey pumpkin, I've missed you!" he kissed her on the cheek and tussled her hair. "How'd you get here?"

"Mommy brought me on the big ship," Lilly said pointing to the Daedalus.

Evan carried Lilly on his hip as he quickly moved to meet Jennifer. As they drew closer, Evan set Lilly down and turned to pull Jennifer into a huge bear hug. He held her tight and finally kissed her cheek as he released his hold.

"I can't believe you're here!" Evan exclaimed as he took her hand and looked her up and down. She looked good, but different with a shorter, more styled haircut and a healthier look about her. Being a mother was definitely agreeing with her. "Both of you are such a sight for sore eyes."

Evan couldn't stop beaming and reached for her again. He put his arms around her and swung her around as Jennifer laughed and cried at the same time. She held on to Evan for dear life letting him soothe away the nervousness. All the while Lilly clung to his leg.

* * *

"Wonder who she is … do you think that's his kid?" Sheppard wondered out loud.

"Who cares? We need to warm up," Ronon grumbled as he turned heading toward the transporter.

"Huh, I didn't even know Lorne was seeing anyone." Sheppard said to himself as he slowly turned to follow Ronon, "although it does explain why he spends every moment of leave on Earth."

* * *

"Okay now, seriously, what are you and Lilly doing here?" Evan asked as he released Jennifer.

"You're going to have to put up with us on a daily basis," Jen said smiling. "I'm your new CMO." Jennifer watched Evan, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Excellent!" Evan said beaming. "This is the best news I've heard in years."

"I hope others will be as excited," Jennifer replied frowning. "I don't want to make things hard on Ronon."

"He hasn't smiled since you left, maybe this will be a good thing for him too," Evan said hopefully.

"Please don't say anything to the others. I'd like to tell them myself," Jennifer asked sighing.

"Not a problem. But don't wait too long, you know how fast gossip travels on base." Lorne reminded her smiling. " Come on, I'll show you ladies to your room. That is if you know which room you've been assigned," Evan added smiling.

"Actually, I'm in my old room," Jennifer said laughing.

"That'll be easy to find. Follow me." Evan grinned picking up Jennifer's small bags she carried with her from the Daedalus. Lorne picked up Lilly in his free arm and the three of them continued down the pier toward the doors to the city.

* * *

Jennifer sat on her bed watching her daughter explore every nook and cranny in their quarters. Lilly was so excited she couldn't stop talking. It was good to see her so happy. Jennifer worried she wouldn't adjust to all the changes but the little girl was adapting very well.

As Lilly started unloading all the things in her daypack, Jen sat questioning herself about the choices she'd made the past few weeks. She worried coming back to Atlantis was a huge mistake. But this had always been her home from the moment she first stepped foot in the city and the past 3 ½ years on Earth hadn't changed how she felt. She was finally home.

Jennifer needed to find Ronon and talk to him as soon as she checked in with Mr. Woolsey. In a perfect world he'd be happy to see her. But this was the Pegasus Galaxy and things never seemed to work out like you imagined they would.

"Hey, why the sad face?" Evan asked concerned as he entered Jennifer's room.

"What if Ronon doesn't want us living on base near him? The last thing I want to do is make him unhappy," Jennifer explained her worries as the tears began to fall.

"Come here," Evan said as he pulled her into his arms. "It's going to be okay, you'll see. I really believe he'll be happy to see you."

"I wish I felt as confident as you sound!" Jennifer laughed through the tears. "I don't want Lilly to get hurt. If he doesn't want her I think it'll break my heart all over again," Jennifer confessed.

"He will love her completely … just like he loves you," Evan assured her. "You know, in all this time he's never even talked to another woman except Teyla. I'm not saying the women here on base haven't tried to console his troubled heart – there have been plenty who've tried – he still loves you Jennifer."

"Yet that's not always enough. He gave me up once, I'm not so sure he won't do it again," Jennifer replied expressing her fears.

"One day at a time, sweetheart, one day at a time," Evan encouraged. "Now, what do you say we go get something to eat? If I'm not mistaken, you girls missed lunch altogether." Evan knew they'd been snacking while they settled in but wanted to be sure they got a decent meal before the night was over.

"Sounds good. Would you mind taking Lilly to the mess hall and I'll join you as soon as I check in with Mr. Woolsey?"

"Sure thing, always like to show off my girls," Evan agreed grinning.

"Lilly, it's time to go get some dinner." Jennifer called her daughter away from playing with her toys they'd unpacked. "I'm going to have you go with Uncle Evan and I'll meet you there."

"Can I bring my picture book? Will there be blue Jell-o like Colonel Sam's?" Lilly asked as she twirled around in circles.

"Yes, you can take your picture book and Uncle Evan will see if there's any Jell-o," Jennifer said as she put Lilly's shoes on.

The threesome walked down the corridor together getting more than a few odd looks. Jennifer didn't recognize any of the people they passed. She was grateful she didn't have to answer any questions but poor Evan was sure to have a lot of explaining to do especially with Lilly in his arms. As they neared the mess hall Jennifer left heading toward Mr. Woolsey's office.

Lilly and Evan entered the mess hall and quickly loaded up a couple of trays. Evan scanned the room, finding Sheppard's team they headed over to the table.

"Hey Evan, who's your friend?" Sheppard asked.

"This is Lilly," Evan said grinning at everyone.

"Well, it's good to meet you, Lilly," Sheppard greeted smiling.

"I know you, you're Mr. John," Lilly said. "You're in my picture book.

Evan couldn't help but smile at the child. She was really advanced for her age socially probably because she spent most of her time with adults.

"I see you found the Jell-o." Sheppard continued their conversation enjoying the little girl. He was also trying to figure out if this was Lorne's kid.

"It's Colonel Sam's favorite. She always gives me her Jell-o." Lilly continued to talk as she worked on her dinner.

Teyla entered the mess hall and spotted the team sitting around their usual table. She loaded up a tray and joined them.

"Good evening," Teyla greeted everyone as she sat next to Lorne.

"Teyla, this is Lilly."

"Hello Lilly," Teyla said smiling at the child.

"You're in my picture book too," Lilly beamed.

"So what's your picture book?" Ronon asked frowning as he leaned back in his chair balancing on the back two legs.

"Mommy says I have to eat my food first," Lilly replied looking at Ronon for a long time. "You look like my daddy," Lilly said concentrating on Ronon's face.

Ronon raised his eyebrows looking at Evan and shrugged. He couldn't see the resemblance to Evan's looks at all. But then she was just a little girl and who knew what was going on in her mind. But one thing was for certain … he didn't think he looked like Lorne!

John was starting to get a bit curious about this picture book, "Now that you're done eating why don't you show me your picture book?"

"Okay," Lilly answered as she moved over to stand next to Sheppard.

Lilly handed her little picture album to John and proceeded to crawl onto his lap. As Sheppard turned the pages Lilly began identifying all the pictures.

"That's my grandpa, he's in heaven," Lilly sighed pointing to the picture.

Sheppard turned the page and pointed to a picture of Lorne holding a baby grinning from ear to ear. "Who's that?" John asked as he pointed to the baby.

"That's me!" Lilly smiled clapping her hands. Sheppard looked across the table at Lorne and smirked raising an eyebrow in approval.

Turning the page she continued, "This is my Auntie Sam and that's Uncle Daniel."

Sheppard turned he next page pointing to himself he asked, "Who's this?"

"That's you silly!" Lilly giggled. "And that's Teya," Lilly added pointing to Teyla. "Auntie Laura … Auntie Marie." Lilly continued to label the pictures as she turned the pages.

John was a bit confused seeing Marie's picture. It seemed odd for Evan's kid to have a picture of her. Sheppard didn't think Lorne was that good of friends with the nurse.

Turning the page, Lilly continued to label the pictures. "Auntie Katie … I don't 'member his name," Lilly said scrunching her face as she pointed to Rodney's picture. "Auntie Carolyn, she's my favorite," Lilly said with a big grin pointing to the next picture.

Jennifer arrived at the dining room having finished her talk with Mr. Woolsey. She paused just inside the doors and scanned the room looking for Evan and Lilly. She quickly found the team seated around their corner table with Lilly sitting in John's lap. Then she locked eyes with Ronon. The world stopped for just a few moments as her breath caught and her eyes started to fill with tears. "This is going to be harder than I thought," she said to herself. Fear began to take over and she had to fight the urge to run.

Jennifer was paralyzed to do anything but stand in the entrance to the mess hall staring at Ronon. She never noticed the people who had to move around her as they entered or left the dining room. Ronon had her full attention.

Ronon abruptly sat up, the front legs of his chair hitting hard on the tile floor looking toward the mess hall doors. He instantly stood up walking the short distance to Jennifer hoping she wasn't a mirage.

"There's my Mommy," Lilly pointed as she climbed down from Sheppard's lap.

"Lilly wait," Evan commanded gently. "Show Colonel Sheppard the rest of your pictures while Mommy gets some food," Evan told her giving Jennifer some time with Ronon.

John glanced over to the door looking confused as he saw Jennifer standing there starring toward Ronon's advancing body. Everyone at the table was totally shocked to see her standing in the mess hall back on Atlantis.

"Well, I didn't see that coming," he chuckled to himself as he looked from Evan to Jennifer and back to Lilly. Wow, this is Jennifer and Lorne's daughter, he thought to himself shocked.

Lilly started to squirm in John's lap so he turned the page asking her to finish showing him her pictures.

"Is this handsome gent your daddy?" John teased as he pointed to Evan's picture.

"No, you're funny," Lilly laughed at John as he tickled her. "This is Uncle Evan," she said giggling. Pointing to the picture on the facing page she said, "This is my daddy. He looks like him," Lilly whispered to John as she pointed toward Ronon's back. John made eye contact with his 2IC frowning in confusion.

"Major?" Sheppard asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yes sir, I'm sure Jennifer will be happy to explain." Evan was thankful to dodge that bullet.

Rodney set his tray on the table having just arrived before Jennifer's entrance.

"Hello," Rodney said as he looked at Lilly.

"Where'd the kid come from?" McKay asked looking at Sheppard.

"Rodney, do not be rude," Teyla chastened.

"You're in my picture book," Lilly said as she turned to look at Rodney.

"I am? So what's your name?" Rodney asked barely paying any attention to the little girl.

"Lilly Grace," Lilly proudly replied. Before they left for Atlantis Jennifer had worked with her daughter until she could recite her full name in case they ever got separated.

"That's a nice name. Is that your full name?" Rodney asked trying to be polite so Teyla would stop scowling at him.

"No silly," Lilly giggled. Slowly Lilly recited her full name trying to say it just the way Mommy taught her. "Its Lilly Grace Keller Dex." Lilly beamed but quickly noticed that everyone got real quiet. The little girl feared she'd said it wrong and Evan could see the tears beginning to form.

"Come here, Lilly," Evan said softly.

The little girl climbed up in his lap as the first tear fell. "Did I say it wrong?" she asked.

"No sweetheart, you did a real good job. It was perfect." Evan wrapped his arms around her knowing this precious little girl would be accepted once the shock wore off.

Jennifer watched Ronon cross the room and stop just a couple of feet from her. She couldn't tell what he was thinking and that scared her. "What if he doesn't want us?" she silently asked over and over. Jennifer closed the gap between them. She couldn't help herself as she slowly raised her hand gently touching his face. Just to touch him again was more than she'd ever hoped for. Jennifer couldn't take her hand away but kept stroking the side of his face as her tears began to fall … again!

Every eye in the mess hall was focused on the intimate scene playing out in front of them. No one spoke. It was such a private moment yet no one could look away. Ronon always received looks no matter where he went on Atlantis but this was different. Most witnesses had no idea who the mystery woman was, yet she had Ronon's full attention.

Ronon reached down and pulled Jennifer into his arms burying his face in her hair as he held her tightly. He felt so much emotion in his body; he didn't trust himself to speak. He could feel Jennifer's sobs as her tears drenched his shirt. They held each other for a long time while the dining room collectively held their breath.

Finally, Ronon pulled back wiping her tears with his hands then leaned down to kiss her properly. The mess hall erupted in cheers as the two lost themselves in the kiss.

Lilly looked up at Evan's face waiting for permission. Finally, he looked down at Lilly and nodded as he released his hold. Lilly slid off his lap and flew across the room to Jennifer.

Jennifer squatted down and took her daughter into her arms.

"Why all the tears, Pumpkin?" Jennifer asked as she rubbed her back.

"They don't like my name." Lilly said quietly.

Squatting down on Lilly's level Ronon tried to comfort her. " I like your name little one," Ronon said stroking her hair. "My name is Ronon," he added hoping to distract her.

"No its not. Your name is Daddy … you're in my picture book," Lilly declared.

Ronon whipped his head around looking at Jennifer for confirmation.

"This isn't how I envisioned telling you," she smirked rolling her eyes.

Ronon reached out taking Lilly into his arms and swung her around laughing for the first time since Jennifer left. He reached out and pulled Jennifer in next to him feeling pure joy fill his heart.

"Why don't they like your name?" Ronon asked Lilly as he nestled her into his side.

"It's too long?" she softly whispered as the tears threatened to return.

"Tell me," Ronon said giving her his full attention.

Lilly looked to her mother for reassurance. Jennifer smiled urging her to answer. "Lilly Grace Keller Dex. Did I say it right, Mommy?"

"Yes, Pumpkin, it was perfect," Jennifer smiled feeling the tears threatening again.

"That's a perfect name," Ronon answered with a voice filled with emotion.

"Let's tell Uncle Evan we found Daddy?" Lilly asked smiling at her parents.

They walked over to the table where everyone took turns hugging Jennifer and watching the transformation in Ronon as he held his daughter protectively. The friends spent a long time in the mess hall visiting and sharing stories while Lilly slept on her Daddy's lap.

It was getting late by the time the reunion broke up. Ronon leaned over and asked Lorne if he could watch Lilly for a bit while he took Jennifer for a walk.

* * *

Ronon had just tucked Lilly in bed when Evan showed up at the door.

"Ronon, Evan is here to watch Lilly?" Jennifer asked unaware of his plan.

"I wanted to take you for a walk," Ronon explained hoping she wouldn't refuse.

"Okay, let me get my sweater."

"Thanks Lorne, we shouldn't be long and Lilly is already asleep," Ronon instructed.

"No problem. It's been too long since I've had Uncle duty so take your time." Evan smiled seeing his friends together again.

Ronon walked Jennifer to the transporter and then out to the balcony off the east pier. Jennifer spent a lot of time out here when she was here before. He thought of it as a fitting place to finish what he started over four years ago.

They walked to the railing to look at the moon reflecting off the water but Ronon couldn't wait any longer. He turned and pulled Jennifer into his arms running his hands through her hair. He leaned down finding her lips in the moonlight wanting to make up for lost time. Ronon tried to go slow but his body wouldn't cooperate and the two exchanged passionate kisses for several minutes before coming up for air. Jennifer wrapped her arms around his waist; laying her head on his chest, she listened to Ronon's heartbeat feeling content and at peace.

Jennifer felt Ronon reach behind his back pulling his knife from its sheath inside his waistband. She tensed slightly at his actions. "Why would he pull his knife," she worried. She pulled her head up slightly scanning the balcony for any sign of danger.

"Hold still," Ronon softly whispered. He reached under her hair finding the cord that held her ring. With one quick movement, he severed the cord with his knife and reaching beneath the top edge of her shirt he pulled the necklace into his hand.

"I am so sorry." Ronon was full of emotion as he looked into Jennifer's eyes. "I should've done this a long time ago."

Jennifer froze at his words. Her eyes started to well with tears fearing the worse. The last time they spoke, so long ago, he'd wanted to break their bond but Jennifer refused. She reached to her chest, to the empty place where her necklace had laid for four years.

"Ronon, please don't … ," Jennifer softly cried but Ronon placed his finger across her lips to stop her from talking.

"I'm so sorry I pushed you away. I promise I'll never leave you or Lilly again," Ronon declared as he pulled the ring off the braided cord. Reaching for Jennifer's hand, Ronon slipped the ring on her finger sealing the pledge, claiming Jennifer as his own.

Jennifer was so overwhelmed she couldn't find words to express her love. She buried her head in Ronon's chest sobbing with relief and joy. Ronon held her close until the tears stopped.

She finally pulled away enough to look up into Ronon's face. "You are the love of my life and I will never leave you again," Jennifer promised as she rose on tiptoes to kiss her husband.

"Let's go home. We have a lot to catch up on," Ronon said with a mischievous grin.

The End

Hope you all enjoyed the story. Thank you to everyone who reviewed -- I appreciate all your comments and encouragement -- it's all very helpful.


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